


Misplaced

by jilliancares



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Anorexia, Band Fic, Complete, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phan Smut, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:55:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7141478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilliancares/pseuds/jilliancares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil wakes up in an alternate universe. And then Phil… wakes up in an alternate universe. Both Phil’s try to navigate back to their own life while simultaneously trying to deal with each others'. </p><p>AKA</p><p>YouTuber!Phil tries to deal with the fact that he’s in a band and he and Dan are enemies, and Band!Phil tries to understand how in any universe he and Dan could be lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my new chaptered fic which i'll be updating regularly after i finish the blind boy! there'll be mentions/hints to anorexia but i'll put any major warnings up here before every chapter!

"Phil, wake the fuck up!" an unfamiliar voice called. Phil opened his eyes groggily, a headache pounding relentlessly behind his eyes. Something was thrown into his face and he flinched backward, groaning.

"Dude, how much did you have to drink last night?" a second voice laughed, and then the thing that had been thrown at his face, a t-shirt, was being picked up. Two curious faces, ones that Phil didn't recognize, peered down at him.

"Shit, you're really out of it," one of the men said, starting to look concerned. "Do you feel all right?"

"Who are you?" Phil finally managed to say, his tongue heavy and thick in his mouth, uncooperative.

"If you think we're falling for that shit again then you're sorely mistaken, Philip," the second man quipped. He had blond hair and a squared jaw, and he rolled his green eyes at Phil's supposed antics.

"Come on, we're gonna be late," the first man said. He had dark skin, his hair shaved close to his scalp, with pointed features, softened by his large square glasses. "Jason's already made us late enough as it is."

"Yeah right!" the blond man protested, presumably Jason. "Phil, tell Davion that we wouldn't be nearly as late every day if he didn't spend so much time choosing what to wear." Jason sat down on the foot of Phil's bed as he spoke, reclining into a more comfortable position.

"Stand up!" Davion growled, grabbing Jason's hands and hauling him out of bed. "And you too, Phil! It's your own fault that you missed my awesome cooking skills."

"Don't even joke!" Jason responded immediately, mockingly scared. "He wouldn't do that to you Phil, your breakfast is in the microwave."

"And it'll be in the trash if you're not up and eating it in five minutes," Davion stalked to the door, Jason hot on his heels. He stopped at the door jam, turning to glare at Phil who was still lying in bed. "So _get up_!"

And then Phil was alone, his mind whirling and his stomach turning. What the hell was going on? Who were these people? And where was he? His entire surroundings were foreign to him and panic began to build inside of him, churning in his stomach. He was supposed to be at home, waking up with his boyfriend wrapped in his arms. Surely Dan was worried sick about him right now! How was he supposed to explain how he'd gotten here anyway? Or how these people somehow knew him?

Deciding that more answers probably lied outside of the bed rather than in it, Phil clambered out of the (strangely expensive and exotic) bed and padded over to his closet. He glanced down at his feet, surprised to see them bare. He never slept without socks! And furthermore, these weren't the pajamas he'd fallen asleep in! He didn't _own_ silk pajamas, much less ones that had a matching top and bottom and felt more expensive than his entire wardrobe.

Phil yanked open the door to his wardrobe. Or maybe he was wrong, maybe his pajamas _weren't_ more expensive than his wardrobe. None of these clothes were Phil's! They were fancy and pricey looking, and Phil struggled to find something that he would actually enjoy wearing. He ended up choosing a pair of black skinny jeans and a complicated mesh shirt, that disturbingly left his belly button on display. He donned a pair of socks (all folded neatly and paired together) before shoving his feet into some foreign shoes and disappearing out the door.

He immediately found himself in a large hallway lined with doors, and he randomly picked a direction and ventured that way, staring around curiously. The entire place seemed to be decked out with extravagant and unneeded decorations, and finally Phil found his way to a staircase which he descended, figuring the kitchen would be on the ground floor.

His palms were sweating uncomfortably with nerves. He was getting no more answers than he'd had when he'd woken up, instead only becoming more and more confused the further he went. Where was he? And how did he get here? And why did he suddenly seem to be filthy rich?

Phil found the kitchen with further exploring, and as he crossed into it, spotting the microwave, a familiar face ventured out of a second door, slowly chewing an apple held prissily in his hand.

"Dan!" Phil exclaimed, relieved. He rushed forward, prepared to embrace Dan, the only familiarity in this strange situation. Words were falling from his lips like water in a stream, he was so relieved. "You're here too! Oh, thank god! But how—"

He stopped abruptly, biting his lip and halting the procession of words spilling forth, as Dan sneered at him. His eyes traced their way from Phil's head to his toes, lingering on Phil's exposed stomach, before coming back up to his eyes.

"Lester," Dan said disdainfully, leaning back against the counter behind him. He glanced at his apple consideringly, still poised delicately in his hand, before dropping it into a trash can by his side, not even half eaten. "What are you shouting about?"

Phil blinked, suddenly realizing that Dan wasn't wearing a single clothing item that he recognized. And, on a closer look, saw that Dan was wearing _eye liner_. And... pink lipstick?

"Um..."

"Still insisting on wearing those ridiculous shirts then?" Dan remarked, looking away from his nails which he was picking at. And, belatedly, and feeling surprised even though he probably shouldn't be, he realized that Dan's nails were painted a dark purple-y gray.

Phil felt indignant (on who's behalf, he didn't know, because he clearly wasn't _this_ Phil, and that wasn't his Dan) and he glared at the foreign Dan. "You're the one wearing lipstick. And nail polish."

Dan glared right back at him, opening his mouth the retort with undoubtedly another rude thing, when Davion entered the kitchen. "Jesus, not this early in the morning! You two promised not to argue in the mornings, they're bad enough as it is!"

"Lester started it," Dan said childishly. "He called me _Dan_."

Davion rolled his eyes. "Have you two eaten?"

"No," answered Phil, just as Dan said, "yes."

"You had like two bites of an apple," Phil argued. Dan sent him a death glare.

" _Eat_ Dan," Davion chastised. "Your ribs are showing."

"Assholes," Dan muttered, but he grabbed one of the two dishes from the microwave and picked at the plate of eggs.

"Now can we get a fucking move on?" Davion demanded. "We're _late_. As always."

"It's part of our image," Dan responded with a shrug. "Crazy pop stars. Doesn't listen to authority. Late."

Phil forced himself to shut his gaping mouth. _Pop stars?_ There was no fucking way.

Incredibly, Phil was starting to feel like he'd been thrown into another world altogether. Or perhaps a different universe. One where he was a famous pop star and not a famous YouTuber. One where he and Dan, for some reason, hated each other but were in the same band.

He surreptitiously wiped his sweaty hands on his jean-clad thighs. If he was here, then where was the Phil of this universe? Was he currently waking up with Dan ( _Phil's_ Dan) his supposed arch enemy?

"Phil I swear to god, if you don't have eggs in your mouth in two seconds I'm gonna punch you in the face," Davion threatened, breaking Phil out of his thoughts. Now probably wasn't the time to question what the fuck was happening to him anyway, now was the time to blend in and try to get back to his own life, his own universe, somehow.

Phil scrambled to get to the microwave, snatching the plate and shoveling eggs into his mouth to please Davion. Possibly the best tasting eggs Phil had ever eaten greeted his tongue, and he moaned appreciatively.

"Thank you," Davion said with a sniff, seemingly satisfied now that everyone had or was eating and was enjoying his cooking.

Dan rolled his eyes in annoyance. "He always does that," he scoffed. "He's probably just trying to sweeten you up. Get in your pants."

Phil blushed at the crude language, and also at that fact that his boyfriend-who-wasn't-really-his-boyfriend was saying that.

"Just cause Phil decided to come out doesn't give you the right to be a dick to him," Jason admonished, appearing in the doorway.

"But he _likes_ dicks," Dan argued.

"You're a dick," Phil said, because this Dan, this alternate universe Dan, was.

"Well _I_ want nothing to do with your ass," Dan said primly. Phil glared viciously. Yeah, Dan obviously didn't want anything to do with Phil's ass because _he_ was the one who was obsessed with bottoming. Phil couldn't bottom even if he wanted to, Dan loved it so much.

"Stop being a homophobe, Dan," Davion said distractedly, scrolling on his phone. He appeared to be the most responsible one, kind of like a parent to the others.

Dan mumbled something about not being a homophobe but went ignored.

"Ready?" Davion said finally, getting nods from the assembled band. They all exited through a third door in the kitchen which led to a garage. Davion pulled out car keys.

"Shot gun!" Jason called, bolting to the passenger side and standing guard beside the door.

"No!" Dan groaned. "Let's take the limo!" he pleaded.

"No," Davion and Jason argued immediately, both already opening the car doors.

Dan looked at Phil, as if expecting to share an exasperated look, but Phil's expression was indifferent.

"You're acting really fucking weird today," Dan commented, resolutely making his way to the back seat. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?" Phil said immediately, because for some reason, stranded in a world that wasn't his and confused beyond belief, he decided to isolate himself even more instead of coming clean. Not that this asshole version of Dan would even believe him anyway.

"Because we _love_ the limo! If there's one thing we can agree on it's that the only acceptable mode of transportation is a limo, not Davion's smelly car."

And it was smelly. Phil wrinkled his nose at the stench as he slid into the cramped backseat. Dan held himself primly, even when smushed into the small space, and he looked around the dirty car with disdain before crossing his arms.

"Clean you're fucking car, Davion," he muttered.

"It's natural musk."

"It's moldy food, is what it is!" Dan argued, but then shut up. The garage opened to reveal a gigantic yard, filled with an orchard and a lake, all encased by a fence. Phil let out a startled, amazed breath, and Dan heard the noise, turning to look at the lawn too.

"Oh I know, they _still_ haven't mowed the lawn! It's not like we ever go outside anyway."

"Well I would if the lawn was mowed," Jason butted in from the front seat. "Long grass makes my ankles itch."

Davion ignored their complaining and drove out of the garage and down the ridiculously long driveway. As they got out onto the main road a pair of security-looking cars not-so-discreetly followed them.

"Where are we going again?" Phil asked stupidly, because why the hell would the him from this universe not know?

Thankfully everyone just thought he was being a forgetful idiot and picked on him. "Our album, Phil? Remember that? That thing that we're currently creating in the studio?"

Phil laughed nervously. "Oh yeah," he said weakly. He was going to have to go record music with his experienced band _today_? What were they going to say when Phil inevitably sucked ass? And what part did he play in the band anyway?

The radio was soon turned on and Phil was relieved to find that he knew most of the songs, the same popular ones that he was familiar with. That is, until a few unfamiliar chords filled the car and his bandmates cheered.

"Turn it up!" Dan called, his eyes filling with an excited, exhilarated light.

Words that Phil didn't know soon filled the car, though it was obviously Dan singing. It was cute to see the band so excited about their own music, so proud, and Phil felt something like a tinge of jealousy in his stomach for a life he didn't have. That was ridiculous, of course, because he had a loving boyfriend and a wonderful career waiting for him back at home. The tinge of jealousy quickly morphed into homesickness, making him almost miss the jealous feeling.

"Take it, Phil!" Jason called, as Phil-on-the-radio started singing. Phil spluttered, unsure how he was going to explain away not knowing the words, when Dan laughed.

"You _know_ he hates singing for you guys," he laughed, and Phil laughed nervously with him. "Only at practice and concerts, or did you forget?" Davion and Jason rolled their eyes and laughed too, but they didn't seem to think it was odd that Phil wouldn't sing for them, and they quickly joined in on the singing as well (they were clearly not the singers of the band, however).

His relationship with Dan continued to perturb him. They clearly hated each other, that much was clear from the morning in the kitchen, but they seemed to respect each other music-wise. And apparently transportation wise, as well. His head hurt from this whole day, from everything that was happening, and it wasn't even noon. He had to get back to his real life.

\--

Once at the studio he and Dan split off from Davion and Jason, who went to go learn the sheet music for their new songs. Apparently the whole band had written all their songs, and now it was up to Dan and Phil to learn the words.

Dan threw himself onto a comfortable looking couch, snatching a packet of papers off the coffee table in front of it. Phil made to sit next to Dan, who glared and stretched out his legs pointedly. Phil rolled his eyes and grabbed the second packet, retreating to lounge in an armchair.

The words were all there in the packet accompanied by a flurry of musical notes and signs that Phil could make neither hide nor tail of. Dan was already singing under his breath, going over a line again and again until he'd gotten it right. His voice _did_ sound very nice, as did the Dan's from his universe, but this one was clearly more practiced and with more expertise.

Phil found himself hurriedly googling what the different music notes meant and how to sing them. Luckily, he was familiar with singing and pitches from basic music classes back in school. Dan was still flicking through the packet, already nearly half way through.

Now that he understood the notes (barely) Phil knew that he should start copying Dan, should learn how to sing the songs. He couldn't help staying silent though, flicking through the pages and refusing to sing a single note. He felt too anxious and nervous. What if he started singing and immediately sounded horrible, catching Dan's attention? What if he was thrown out of the band for suddenly being so bad?

"It's always the same with you, isn't it?" Dan drawled, untangling his long limbs from their position on the couch and stalking towards Phil. He perched himself on the edge of Phil's armchair, snatching his song packet out of his hand. "Let me help you then."

And so Dan helped him, bitching at him and picking on him as he did, but helping him efficiently so that he understood how every song went. Dan would sing a line, and Phil would imitate his tone. They'd sing each line a couple times, before singing the next few, then going back and putting them all together. Dan's packet had slightly different sounding lines, seeing as they were harmonizing most of the time.

After Dan helped Phil learn his parts, he retrieved his own packet and sat cross legged on the coffee table in front of Phil. Together they went through the songs, singing their respective parts over and over until they'd gotten them all down. It took a couple hours, but by the end of it they were satisfied with the way they sounded.

Singing with Dan made Phil feel even more homesick, as it was just like singing with Dan at home, as they cooked together in the mornings or jokingly performed in the shower. Plus, this Dan wasn't being mean to him while they were singing, and it made him long for it not to stop. He hated arguing with Dan, seeing Dan's lips snipe at him, hearing his voice insult him.

"I'm starving," Phil complained once they were finished. Dan scoffed.

"When aren't you hungry?"

"Let's go eat," Phil suggested, trying to persuade Dan.

" _You_ go eat," he snarled. "I'm going to keep practicing."

Phil shrugged and made his way out of the sound proof room. Dan had eaten even less than him that morning; it was surprising that he wasn't even hungrier that Phil. Plus it would've been nice to have Dan lead him to the kitchen.

He did end up finding it eventually, thanks to the loud voices of Davion and Jason coming through it. Phil appeared in the doorway, his stomach rumbling.

"Where's Dan?" Jason asked, before shoving a cheese covered cracker in his mouth.

"He said he wasn't hungry," Phil replied.

"Duh," Davion said. "It's _your_ job to get him to come anyway."

Phil was confused, but he accepted the two sandwiches Davion handed him anyway, heading back the way he came.

He handed one to Dan once he returned, and Dan glared at him but snatched it anyway, ripping chunks off to nibble on.

Phil sank into the armchair as he ate his sandwich, lost in thought. He knew he had to somehow get himself back to his real life, but he couldn't let the life he had here get messed up either. He had to maintain it as he figured out how to get back. Hopefully it was all just some fluke of the universe and he would wake up the next morning back in his bed, Dan wrapped up in his arms. Maybe this wasn't even happening at all, just a strange and vivid dream.

Soon he and Dan were heading over to a new room, a room full of producers where they were forced to stand behind tinted glass, thick headphones covering their ears as they sang into microphones. Phil went along with it, trying to stamp down on his pride, to not let it shine through, when Dan had songs where he played piano as well, his fingers moving elegantly across the keys, beautiful music pouring forth.

Phil didn't know how it was possible for there to be a universe where he and Dan weren't in love, but then again, maybe he could help to change that. Maybe if he wasn't home by the next time he woke up then he could help this universe's Phil. After all, Dan and Phil were made for each other, and they could get through anything. Even if that something was apparently the hatred that they harbored for each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil woke groggily, feeling uncomfortably warm. His head was pounding, though he couldn’t recall having drank very much the night before. Although he _must_  have, because there seemed to be a body curled around him, and who the hell did he take home last night? Phil cringed at the thought of it being a fan.

He shifted slowly, careful not to wake whoever was in his bed. Hopefully it was a boy, at least, but old habits died hard. He’d just come out to his best friends in the world the night before (well, his best friends in the world and Dan Howell) but he’d been begrudgingly taking girls home for as long as they’d been a band to keep up appearances.

He could still remember coming out to them too. It’d been nerve wracking and terrifying, his heart had climbed into his throat and taken residence there, echoing loudly in his head. His temples had grown damp with sweat, and he’d been so nervous that he’d almost chickened out completely. He hadn’t even really planned to come out at the time either, but the band had been gathered in the living room, sprawled across various surfaces, all drinking and playing dumb games.

“Truth or dare,” Davion had said to Dan, who was laying on his back stretched out across the couch, his arms folded behind his head.

“Truth. I’m too lazy to get up,” Dan had answered.

“Hmm. Did you eat three meals today?”

Dan had groaned. “You’re sucking all the fun out of a light hearted game.”

“This isn’t light hearted,” Jason had protested. “This is _hard_   _core_ truth or dare. The juiciest truths and the most daring dares!”

“Yes,” Dan had finally answered. “One of you’s always around to make sure of it,” he huffed. And then, “Lester! Truth or dare?”

Phil had rolled his eyes, because wow, typical Dan. Whenever they played drinking games it was Dan and Phil against each other, doing their best to make each other more drunk, more angry, more embarrassed.

“Truth,” Phil had chose, because knowing Dan, he’d probably make him do something embarrassing like streak if he chose dare.

“Pussy,” Dan had taunted.

“ _You_  chose truth,” Phil had protested.

“Only because I’m lazy. You chose it because you’re scared.”

“I swear to god—”

“Shut up and play the game,” Davion had interrupted, throwing a crumpled can at Phil’s face. He’d grumbled as he’d batted it aside, and the game had progressed.

“Okay Lester, what’s your biggest secret?” Dan had finally asked, turning over on his stomach to look at Phil better. He’d propped his head in his hands, and Phil had blushed, his biggest secret coming straight to mind.

“Um…” he’d muttered, debating whether he should actually tell them or not. The only people that knew were his parents, but he’d been wanting to tell his best friends (and Dan) for a while, and now seemed like the perfect opportunity.

His friends were leaning forward in their seats, looking at him with hungry excitement. Phil had cleared his throat, deciding that he _would_  tell them. Right now.

“I’m…” he’d started, glancing frantically from Davion to Jason. He didn’t even dare look at Dan. He wasn’t sure how his friends would react, but if he had to guess, he’d probably guess that Dan would be the least okay with it.

“I’m— uh, I’m… I’m gay,” he’d finally managed, while looking at his knees. He’d had no idea what his friends were thinking, couldn’t see their faces, their reactions. Oh god, what if they were all homophobic? What if they kicked him out of the band? Or worse, kept him but hated him, were disgusted by him?

“I’m so proud of you, Phil,” Davion finally said, probably seconds after Phil had come out and not the hours that it had felt like. He’d stood up from the armchair he’d been lounging in and hugged Phil where he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch Dan was lying on.

“Does this mean you can help me with my outfits now?” Jason had joked, also clambering his way over to Phil. He’d sat on the coffee table and swung himself over it, landing mostly on Davion and knocking his way into Phil.

Phil had hugged his best friends tightly, trying to ignore how Dan had yet to say anything, not showing whether he was supportive or not. Finally, being unable to help himself, he’d looked up at Dan, whose mouth had been hanging open.

Seeing that Phil was looking at him, Dan had abruptly shut it, before clearing his throat. “Every band needs a gay member, Lester. Thanks for stepping up,” and with that he’d rolled off the couch, assaulting Phil with a brief but horrible hug, before standing up.

He’d looked indecisive, his gaze flitting between his band members, before he’d cleared his throat. “I think I’m gonna call it a night,” he’d said finally, and then shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and disappeared up the stairs.

But Phil hadn’t stayed up much later after that, and he certainly didn’t remembering drinking enough to blackout. So how had he managed to end up with someone in his bed?

Finally he opened his eyes, finally witnessing the person currently curled around him with their head on his chest. It was a man (thank god) and his brown hair looked semi-familiar. It was messy and curly and a tuft on the top of his head, all mussed from sleep. Seeing the man’s head on his chest made Phil realize that he wasn’t wearing a shirt, which also lead him to realize that he wasn’t wearing any other clothes at all, and he was willing to bet this man wasn’t either.

Finally, Phil tore his eyes away from the boy to look around the room for his clothes. And then his heart stopped.

This wasn’t his room.

It wasn’t any of the rooms in his house he shared with the band. So had he _left_  the house last night? He couldn’t remember drinking after Dan went upstairs, could only remember him, Jason, and Davion turning on the tv and eating popcorn together. And then he had gone upstairs and put on his favorite silk pajamas (which he should be wearing _right now_ ) and gone to sleep. So had he sleepwalked out of the house? Had he been kidnapped? Drugged and stripped down?

Phil glanced down at the man on his chest again. His hair was a very, very familiar shade of brown. It almost looked like Dan’s, but then, it obviously couldn’t be. He let his gaze wander instead around the room. There were little trinkets everywhere, video game characters and anime people and posters scattered about. He recognized a lot of them from back when he had more free time, from when he used to be able to indulge in all those things. Of course then his band had started to get big, and it had been a roller coaster of activity and fun since then.

Suddenly, the person on top of Phil stirred, humming low in his throat. Phil watched warily, afraid it might be a fan, as the man pressed his face into Phil’s chest. He inhaled deeply, his exhale spilling warmly against Phil’s chest, making him shiver.

“Mmm, you smell good,” the man hummed. His voice… “Did you shower without me last night?”

Phil was too surprised to answer. This man sounded as if he felt familiar with Phil, which he shouldn’t after a one night stand. And even worse, he almost sounded like…

The man finally picked his head up, letting his chin rest on Phil’s chest.

“ _Howell_?“ Phil exclaimed in disbelief. Dan laughed.

“Are you trying to be kinky? Because you know I’m bad at being kinky in the mornings. The best I can do for you is a blowjob.”

“W-what?” Phil managed, his eyes wide with fear. _What the fuck was going on?_  Dan Howell was not supposed to be in his bed, _naked_ , talking to him like they were… boyfriends or something!

“Hey, do you feel okay? You look like you feel queasy or something.”

Phil was too stunned to answer. He couldn’t help staring at Dan with wide eyes, fear probably apparent in them. Dan was acting really fucking weird, like a different person entirely, almost. And he wasn’t wearing any makeup, which was strange, as Phil rarely saw him without it. The most eerie thing was the fact that Dan was letting himself be seen naked. He was always incredibly self conscious about his body, refused to go swimming with them or sleep with his shirt off in case someone walked into his room.

Phil watched as Dan clambered onto Phil’s chest, his naked butt sitting on Phil’s stomach as he leaned forward, peering into Phil’s eyes. “Your pupils look blown. Do you feel hot? A fever, maybe?”

Phil was unable to answer. He could see Dan’s stomach, his chest, but he couldn’t see Dan’s ribs, which were _always_  visible, even through his shirts. Was this even the Dan Howell he knew? Where _were_  they? And where were the rest of their friends?

“Phil?” Dan said softly, bringing his hand up to Phil’s head. He stroked his fingers softly through Phil’s hair, before cupping Phil’s cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just sleepy still,” Phil managed to answer. He couldn’t believe this Dan! He was naked and didn’t seem embarrassed or shy, he seemed completely confident in himself, without makeup or styled hair or clothes. And he seemed to really like Phil, for some reason, which was probably the weirdest part yet.

“I can help with that,” Dan said mischievously, and Phil’s eyes widened comically as Dan slid down his body, coming to a stop between his legs. Phil could do nothing but watch with amazement and apprehension as he got his first ever blowjob from a guy.

Dan quite obviously knew what he was doing, and Phil was hard and panting in no time, his hands scrambling for purchase in Dan’s hair. He couldn’t bother to think about the fact that something was wrong, that the universe had accidentally flipped, had put him in the wrong place. He couldn’t think about anything really, not when Dan was doing _that_  with his tongue.

Phil moaned, unable to help it, and Dan moaned in response, around Phil, and it felt good, felt amazing. Dan was holding his hips down, and for good reason, too, as Phil couldn’t stop himself from bucking upwards.

It was over much too fast, and Phil was unsure whether it was due to his apparently horrible stamina or Dan’s ability alone. But soon Dan was slinking back up his body, sitting on Phil’s stomach again, his cock settled against his stomach, already leaking.

Phil knew what Dan must have wanted, and so he reached forward, wrapping his hand around it. Dan moaned and bent over Phil, resting his hands on the headboard and bucking desperately into Phil’s hand. Soon that was over too, and Phil’s hand was warm and sticky, and his stomach was full of butterflies because Dan was beautiful and his moans were erotic and why hadn’t he and the real Dan ever done this before? Well, other than the fact that they hated each other and Dan was an asshole 99% of the time.

Once it was over, Dan leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips, humming. “That was good,” he said, nuzzling into Phil’s neck.

Phil reached up and stroked Dan’s back, which was sweaty. Distantly, he tried to remind himself that he hated Dan. Well, mostly. They argued almost all of the time, and barely agreed on anything. He felt like he should feel sickened after doing this with Dan, even if it didn’t appear to be the one he knew. And how was he going to get back to his normal life anyway? He would miss his friends to death if he didn’t get back soon, and he was already starting to feel a little weirded out at the fact that he and Dan could possibly have a relationship together in any universe. Weren’t they destined to hate each other? To constantly pick on each other and have to hold themselves back from punching one another in the face?

“Despite how much I would love to stay in bed all day, we _did_  promise Louise we would meet her for breakfast,” Dan muttered into Phil’s neck. And then he was sliding off the bed and stretching, his arms high over his head as he leaned back. Phil looked at his body appraisingly, before Dan started laughing at him.

“Stop staring at me and get up. You can do more than look once we’re in the shower,” he persuaded, and then he disappeared out the door, still completely naked, which led Phil to believe that they lived alone. Or were nudists.

Phil finally got himself out of the bed and followed, listening for the sound of running water. He managed to find his way to the bathroom, eyes widening as he got an eyeful of Dan naked and wet and in the shower. Phil followed him, seeing as he’d been invited, and Dan immediately started scrubbing shampoo into his hair for him.

“So I have this video idea,” Dan said, his eyes bright, the way one’s eyes got when talking about something they loved. Was Dan a director in this universe? Did he make short films or something?

“What is it?”

“So I think I’ll talk about when we went to Florida to visit your family and all the shit that happened to us on that plane ride,” Dan explained, laughing slightly at the thought of it.

Phil was confused as to what was actually going on. Who would be watching this video? “Sounds great!” Phil said instead of actually voicing his confusion. Dan grinned at him, before he grabbed his hips and spun him around.

“I’ll wash your back.”’

The shower was not at all sexual. It was like hanging out with a best friend, except in the shower. They talked and joked and Phil tried desperately to follow along most of the time as Dan talked about things he didn’t understand. At one point Dan started singing a familiar song. He grabbed Phil’s hips and swayed and spun carefully, dancing as he sang. Phil hadn’t been able to help grinning and singing along, even if Dan didn’t sound as good as he usually did. It was endearing.

“Woah,” Dan said, as Phil hit a higher note. “Been taking singing lessons without me?” he laughed.

Phil shrugged, hoping he seemed mysterious and not idiotic. Dan kissed his cheek, and soon they were climbing out of the shower, drying off and heading back to their room.

Their closet was atrocious. It contained very little clothes that Phil would actually wear, and he was sure that Dan would rather be dead than caught wearing most of the things in here. Phil watched in disbelief as Dan pulled on a sweater that looked like a potato sack, paired with black skinny jeans and black shoes. Although he couldn’t see the Dan he knew ever wearing this outfit, it really did look adorable on this Dan.

Still, Phil wrinkled his nose in distaste as he found himself a pair of skinny jeans as well, before slipping on a shirt unlike any he actually owned. He would have to try to blend in, have to pretend that this was his actual life. At least until he could figure out more about what was going on, or try to fix it. The Dan of this universe seemed pretty trustworthy, but Phil wasn’t sure if he should actually confide in him. Besides, who would even believe him if he explained anything that was happening to him anyway? _Hi I’m Phil Lester, I’m in a famous band in the universe I come from but I’ve somehow ended up here and I am apparently dating the biggest twat on earth (in my universe, at least)_. For some reason, Phil didn’t feel as if that sounded believable.

He was already beginning to feel a little homesick too. He longed to bug Davion into making him breakfast and sit on the kitchen counter as his friends slowly wandered in as well, looking sleepy but excited for another day of practicing or performing or recording. Jason would inevitably spill something on himself and have to go change, and Davion would stand around looking all superior, knowing that all of his friends were enjoying his cooking. Dan would be picking at his plate, scooting his food around and trying to make it look thoroughly eaten, and Phil, Davion, and Jason would eye him carefully until they'd deem that he’d eaten enough. Dan would glare at them if he stood up too early and they'd force him to sit back down, but he’d usually comply easily enough. And it was rare that he’d get so worked up about eating that he’d throw his plate or cry or something, although things like this had happened on occasion.

Sighing, Phil followed Dan. Nothing would be the same here, and it was dire for him to return back to where he belonged. He had no interest in staying here, not when he’d have to leave his friends behind and fake a relationship with (an admittedly nicer and more enjoyable) Dan. The fact of the matter was that this was not his Dan, this was not the Dan _he_  knew. Kissing and touching this Dan felt inapposite because he knew that somehow these Dan’s were related or similar in some way. If he was here, then that must mean that the Phil from here would be where he was from, hopefully not trying to get it on with the Dan from his universe, as that wouldn’t go down very well.

But still, being with this Dan felt wrong. Because it wasn’t real. And so he needed to figure out how to get back as soon as possible. With any luck he would just fall asleep and wake up back where he belonged and stay there for the rest of his life. Maybe this was all some weird sort of fevered dream, the result of all the stress and anxiety he’d harbored the night before over coming out. Hopefully, he’d just somehow be back home soon.

“Ready?” Dan asked, as Phil joined him at the door. Phil nodded with a weak smile, his stomach feeling queasy, tied in knots. This wasn’t Dan.

Dan linked their hands together as he began descended down the steps, making their way out of the apartment. Right before they exited Dan dropped his hand with a sigh and a sad sideways glance. Were they in the closet in this universe? They didn’t want anyone to see that they were gay?

They were soon on the street, walking side by side in a place Phil didn’t recognize. He realized that they were in London, at least, but they were nowhere near his actual house. They talked about random things Phil didn’t know about as they walked, though he played along and acted excited when Dan was excited.

“Louise’ll probably wanna film something after we eat, too. I know I could use a good video with Louise,” Dan laughed, his shoulder bumping into Phil’s slightly as they walked. Dan carefully stepped further from Phil after that, glancing around cautiously. “I was wondering if we should do all three of us in one video or take turns with her?”

Phil’s eyes widened. Were they _porn stars_? Oh god, he couldn’t exist in this universe! He had to get back home immediately, he wasn’t willing to have sex with a stranger! A girl, no less! Maybe he could call in sick, or run away. It wasn’t _his_  life he would be ruining, after all.

“Phil? Any input?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t know,” Phil squeaked, glancing out of the side of his eye at Dan. Dan looked innocent. He didn’t look like a porn star. Phil didn’t understand.

Suddenly, there was a sharp gasp from behind them, and a tentative voice said, “Dan? Phil?”

Dan spun around, a wide smile on his face, as he greeted someone Phil didn’t know.

“Hi!” Dan greeted, laughing when the person suddenly barreled into him for a hug.

“Oh god,” the girl said into his chest. “I can’t believe I’m meeting you guys, I love your videos!”

Phil went slightly green, feeling nauseous. This was disgusting. The girl pulled away from Dan, eyeing Phil hopefully.

“It’s nice to meet you! I’m glad you enjoy our videos,” Phil managed to say, managing not to throw up on the girl all the while. She stepped forward for a hug, which Phil endured, still feeling grossed out.

Dan and Phil then crowded around the girl for a selfie (her phone background was of them sitting at a desk, both of them laughing. It didn’t look too pornographic but Phil still didn’t trust it.) and she thanked them profusely before she was on her way.

“You’re not usually so nervous about meeting fans,” Dan commented, as they turned around and resumed their trek.

“Oh yeah, I was just… caught unaware… I guess,” Phil mumbled. Dan, very briefly, hooked their pinkies together, smiling at him while he did.

“You always are,” Dan laughed, before letting his hand drop. “I honestly don’t know what I would do without YouTube though. To think we wouldn’t even have met!”

The fog in Phil’s mind cleared and he had to resist the urge to smack himself in the face. Of course they weren’t porn stars, they were YouTubers! _Oh thank god,_  Phil thought. He knew enough about YouTubers, anyway. His band had even been interviewed by a few famous ones before.

“We’re just lucky, I guess,” Phil responded. Dan was lucky, maybe. Phil definitely wasn’t. What kind of lucky person got plopped down in an alternate universe? It just didn’t make any sense.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m gonna throw up,” Dan complained as Jason whipped the car around yet another corner. Phil was tempted to agree, but he was too afraid to open his mouth, fearing more than just words would come out.

“Not in my car, you’re not!” Davion rebutted immediately, before Jason slammed on the brakes as a traffic light switched to yellow. Why Davion had agreed to let Jason drive was beyond Phil.

“It’s not like I can make it smell any worse,” Dan argued, before shutting his eyes and rubbing his temples. Phil didn’t blame him. The car lurched as Jason slammed on the accelerator the second the light turned green, and Phil groaned as the seat belt dug harshly into his stomach.

“Even Lester feels sick,” Dan whined, and Phil nodded numbly. He was afraid that Jason would brake too harshly again and his neck would snap.

In conclusion, the car ride was terrible. By the time they returned home (well, not Phil’s home, but… other Phil’s home) they were all queasy and stumbling, grateful to be back on solid ground. And by “they all” Phil meant he and Dan, because for some reason Davion and Jason were unaffected by that monstrous driving.

The band trooped into the kitchen, Davion immediately whipping open cabinets and removing ingredients.

“What’re you making?” Phil questioned, hopping up onto the counter. Immediately, three pairs of astonished eyes locked onto him, staring at him like he’d grown a third head. “What? I’m curious!”

“Phil, it’s Wednesday,” Jason said, as if this were an actual explanation.

“Okay? And the sky is blue, what else is new?” Phil scoffed jokingly.

“Are you feeling okay?” Dan questioned, for the second time that day, the first being before they’d even left the house to go to the studio. And they apparently hated each other in this universe, so Phil must’ve been acting really out of place.

“Yeah…”

Davion stepped forward, placing the back of his hand against Phil’s forehead.

“I do not have a fev—”

“You feel pretty warm… Where’s the thermometer?”

“We own a thermometer?” Dan questioned.

“Everyone owns a thermometer!” Davion insisted.

“I’m not sure that we own a thermometer.” Jason informed.

“I’m fine!” Phil insisted, shoving Davion’s hand away. “I just… forgot?”

“Okay, Phil Lester has been replaced with an imposter. While you guys call the police and find the real Lester, I’ll be in my room,” Dan announced.

“You’re not getting out of dinner that easily,” Davion snapped, rolling his eyes. Dan glared at him, looking mutinous, and threw himself into a chair with a loud huff. He crossed his arms, glowering at anyone who gave him a sideways glance.

Phil remained silent, hoping the attention would be drawn away from him.

“Jesus Phil, how could you forget that Wednesdays are burrito days? You’re the one who chose it, after all,” Davion said finally. Phil cleared his throat.

“Oh yeah. I was just, um, drawing a blank.”

The band continued to look at Phil suspiciously, and coming to a decision, Phil yelled, “Ha! I _so_  got you guys!”

Davion let out a surprised sounding laugh, and Jason whispered, “Oh my god,” from behind him.

“Wow, that was good,” Davion said, shaking his head.

Dan was silent, which Phil reasoned was because he was still mad and glaring at everyone. But when Phil looked at him, he was staring right back at Phil, still looking suspicious. Phil cleared his throat.

“Let’s hurry up with those burritos, I’m starving!”

—

Phil was lost. It was hard not to be, in a house of this size. Dinner was long past, and everyone had stayed to watch tv together in the living room afterwards, but eventually everyone had left. And now Phil was trying to find his way back to his room, which was proving harder than he thought.

He could barely remember the path he’d taken to get downstairs that morning, and now, trying to retrace his steps, Phil found himself wandering down yet another hallway he didn’t recognize. He couldn’t very well ask his friends for help either, as they were sure to see through it after his little stunt in the kitchen. Just how many times could he pretend that he’d forgotten or was joking before they realized that something really _was_  wrong, that he wasn’t their Phil at all?

Sighing, Phil prepared himself to simply open a random door. Maybe he’d be lucky and come across a couch to sleep on. And maybe he’d be even luckier still and no one would notice tomorrow when he showed up wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the day before.

Phil reached for the door handle of the door nearest to him, when he heard a loud thud from down the hall. He turned towards the sound out of curiosity, and began walking.

He stopped outside the room he’d assumed it to be coming from, and listened. When no other sound emitted, he turned the doorknob slowly.

Phil peered into the room, opening the door wide enough for him to stand in the doorway. He was surprised to find himself in Dan’s room, and even more surprised still as he watched Dan who was wearing only boxers and staring into a mirror. Phil felt shocked, seeing Dan. The Dan he was used to was full and warm and soft, whereas this one looked thin as a stick, his ribs poking out harshly, his lips pinched into a frown. Phil imagined that he would be cold to the touch, what with all his sharp angles. Feeling like an idiot, Phil finally realized why everyone was so concerned with Dan eating, and why Dan always tried to get out of it. He was anorexic.

Though it made Phil feel guilty, he continued to watch as Dan pinched the skin on his stomach, pulling it as far away from his body as he could. Dan seemed to be getting upset doing this, and his fingers abandoned the sliver of skin to instead pinch at his delicate hips. Phil understood enough about eating disorders to realize that even though Dan looked unhealthily skinny, he still felt fat. That what he was pinching between his fingers probably seemed huge and unacceptable to him.

From what Phil could see, it looked like Dan was pinching the skin extra hard, looked like he was close to breaking skin. Phil knew he had to intervene, to at least try to comfort Dan, even if he was the last person Dan would want comforting from (in this universe at least).

“D— Howell?” Phil said quietly, still standing in the doorway.

Dan froze, his eyes widening, before finally locking on Phil’s in the mirror. He immediately released the skin he’d been pinching, but only because he was too busy jumping away from the mirror and sprinting into his closet, closing the door behind him.

“What are you _doing_  in here?” Dan screamed from behind the closed door, sounding distressed and close to tears. “ _Get out!/"_

“Howell,” Phil said firmly, approaching the closet.

“Lester, I’m serious. Get the fuck out.”

Phil reached for the door handle, trying to wrench it open. It was obvious that Dan was keeping it from turning on the other side, but Phil managed to yank it open anyway, revealing Dan, who crossed his arms self consciously over his chest and backed against the wall.

“Hey,” Phil said softly, stepping closer.

“Just leave. And don’t tell anyone what you saw.”

Phil placed his hands on Dan’s elbows, who tensed. He simply ran his thumbs back and forth over the skin, though Dan remained stiff. He wasn’t even entirely sure what he was doing, he just knew that it was three in the morning and he was exhausted and he missed the Dan that he knew, who loved himself and Phil and didn’t care so desperately about the way he looked.

“What are you doing?” Dan finally demanded, seemingly trying to fold in on himself even more, to possibly disappear entirely.

“I’m here to tell you that you’re perfect the way you are, and you still will be when you’ve recovered from this.”

Dan sneered at him before shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to shake Phil off. Phil held on.

“Fuck off. That’s not true and you know it.”

“It _is_  true, though _you_  don’t know it,” Phil responded. Finally he moved his hands from Dan’s elbows, sliding them onto the younger boy’s stomach. Lightly, he dragged his fingertips over Dan’s skin, over his sides and hips and belly. Dan stood stock still, holding his breath, staring wide-eyed down at Phil’s fingers as he touched him.

“You’re beautiful, okay?”

“Why are you saying these things? We hate each other,” Dan whispered.

“No we don’t,” Phil scoffed. _Not where I come from_. Dan looked confused, but he didn’t argue. Instead, his face crumpled slightly, and his breathing turned into something more like gasps.

“But I ate too much at dinner!” Dan exclaimed, in the air of someone who’d been dying to confess to a crime. “I ate an entire burrito and now I’m bloated and gross a- and—”

Phil cut him off with a hug. He pulled Dan into his body and squeezed him tight. Dan was crying into his shoulder, and Phil held him, comforted him. They sank to the ground in Dan’s closet, Dan still crying and clinging to him. Phil rubbed his back, wondering why the Phil of this universe hadn’t done something to help long before.

On accident, they fell asleep. Phil had no idea how much time had passed when he woke up, but Dan’s hands were still clenching his shirt tightly, no doubt leaving wrinkles from the force. Phil ended up scooping Dan into his arms (it wasn’t very hard, seeing as Dan was so skinny) and carried him to his bed. He tucked the covers around Dan, feeling his heart squeeze painfully at the sight of it. It was all too familiar to normal circumstances, only he would then be climbing into the bed along with his sleeping boyfriend.

Carefully, and thinking of Dan back home, Phil leaned down and pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead. He then continued to wander through the mansion (a clock informed him that it was now five in the morning) until he found his room, which he eventually collapsed in for a long sleep.

—

Phil became aware of the fact that he was awake before he opened his eyes and he found himself praying that he was back where he belonged. _Please let Dan be next to me,_  he thought. _Please let me wake up and find him in my bed. Let me kiss him and love him and never leave him again._

He pried his eyes open, having dared to let himself hope, and glanced around the room. Phil then shoved his face back into his pillow, disappointed.

Eventually, after letting the annoyance and homesickness wash through his skin, he managed to pry himself out of bed and get dressed, glaring all the while at all the clothes in the closet. It was annoying how being famous had changed his style so much, what Phil wouldn’t do for a hoodie and sweatpants right now. He ended up wearing a pair of white skinny jeans along with the closest thing to a hoodie that he could find, which was a pastel blue jumper. Feeling completely out of style and out of place, Phil at least mismatched his socks, yanking them away from their proper pairs and pulling them on rightfully to his feet. It made him feel a little more in control. He was still Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the YouTube sensation with a secret boyfriend.

Phil closed his eyes, something inside of him squeezing painfully at the thought of Dan. The _real_  Dan. Danisnotonfire, Dan. Phil missed the way they were always together, the casual ways they touched and cuddled and kissed. He could see the pair of them in his mind’s eye now, sitting tangled on the couch, eating snacks and brushing their fingers through each other’s hair.

Dan would be lying entirely on top of Phil, despite being taller and too big to actually curl up there. But he would scoot down, so that his legs were cramped uncomfortably at the bottom of the couch or hanging over the edge in order to rest his head on Phil’s chest.

Phil would feed Dan popcorn, who would laugh when he missed his mouth and got butter on his cheek. And Phil would complain that it tickled when Dan consequently rubbed his buttery face on Phil’s chest in an attempt to clean it.

Phil would card his fingers through Dan’s soft hair, who would make small, pleased humming sounds as he did. And though half the time situations like these stayed soft and sweet and sleepy, sometimes they would progress to be sexual.

Phil would be touching Dan’s hair, who would then flip over onto his stomach, would align themselves just so, where they would feel each other and be able to groan into one another’s necks. Sometimes it would happen just like that, with Dan grinding down on Phil, who would’ve shoved down their pants and maybe fingered Dan for the fun of it. Towards the end they would be be sweaty and panting, and Dan would stick his face solidly in the crook of Phil’s neck, unable to concentrate on kissing amidst all the pleasure he was receiving. And so he’d simply moan and groan against Phil, until they eventually rubbed themselves to conclusion. Then Dan would slow to a stop and settle his weight solidly on top of Phil, and they would catch their breath together, and Phil would play with Dan’s hair again.

Dan would smile up at him sleepily, and Phil might kiss his nose. Dan might kiss his neck, or lick Phil’s ear, and Phil would probably capture Dan’s bottom lip between his teeth, just because he liked the sounds it never failed to make Dan emit.

Phil opened his eyes, not realizing he’d closed them, so lost in thought. Embarrassingly enough, he was hard, simply from thinking about his boyfriend. Remembering that it was unlikely for them to see each other again soon, however, effectively killed it. Heaving out a troubled sigh, Phil slumped from his room, wishing he was wearing a hoodie so that he could shove his hands into the pocket and pull the hood far over his head.

Finding the kitchen was easier the second time around, only partially because of the delicious smell radiating from it. Phil slid into the kitchen, smiling at his band mates as he did. It suddenly hit Phil that he didn’t even know their band name, despite recording in a studio for their _album_  the entire day before.

“‘Morning,” Phil murmured, coming to take a seat beside Jason, where there was already a plate waiting for him.

“For a while I thought you weren’t gonna show up,” Davion snickered. “Sneak in any hot lads?”

“You certainly _look_  gay enough in that outfit,” Dan commented. Davion’s eyes widened comically as he turned to look at Dan. “What? He does!”

“No hot boys,” Phil admitted. “And good, that’s what I was going for.”

“‘Omopobic ‘Owwell!” Jason proclaimed around a mouthful of food. His friends stared at him blankly, in various forms of confusion, before Jason swallowed. “Homophobic Howell!” he tried again. “It’s what you are,” he nodded towards Dan.

“I am _not_ ,” Dan rebutted immediately.

“Seem pretty homophobic to me,” Davion commented lightly. Dan scoffed.

“Oh please, I’m not picking on Lester _because_  he’s gay, I’m picking on him because he’s _Lester_.”

“That’s reassuring,” Phil chimed in, earning an eye roll from Dan. He was in no way acting like someone who had fallen asleep on their arch nemesis, crying, the night before. Perhaps he thought it was a dream, seeing as he did wake up in his bed and all.

“I wouldn’t pick on a gay stranger, anyway,” Dan continued. “Well, I might,” he said thoughtfully, tapping his chin with his fork, having still not touched his food. “But not for being gay.”

This time it was Davion who rolled his eyes. “You’ve known that Phil was gay for little more than two days and you’re already using it against him.”

“He hasn’t asked me to stop,” Dan argued. “He’s not even the one feeling upset by this! You’re the one arguing.” And then, as if to make a point, Dan stabbed his fork into his omelette and shoved a bite into his mouth. Phil nodded approvingly when he caught Dan’s eye, who glared.

“We need to go out,” Jason suddenly announced.

“You and Phil?” Davion asked in confusion, at the same time that Dan said, “You’re gay too?”

“No, the band needs to go out. We tweeted like a week ago that we’d be walking around town today for some chance encounters.”

“Doesn’t seem like much of a chance when you warn them all a week ahead of time,” Dan pointed out.

“You just hate meeting the fans,” Davion also pointed out.

“I do not! I love meeting them, I just feel… anxious around them,” he admitted. The table was silent for a moment, before Phil spoke up.

“Will you be okay to come, then? You could always stay at home.”

“I’ll be fine,” Dan answered, glaring down at his scarcely eaten omelette, before he shoved it away and stood up.

“Dan,” Davion said quietly.

“Stuff it,” Dan answered. “If I eat anymore I'll throw up on the fans because of my nerves.” No one argued as Dan disappeared from the room, leaving his omelette behind.

“Oh how I wish that hadn’t happened before,” Jason said solemnly. Phil gaped at him, thinking of how that must’ve gone down. He couldn’t believe that Dan had actually thrown up on a fan!

Davion was staring at Phil with narrowed eyes, however. He cleared his throat.

“Jason’s joking, obviously,” he said. Phil laughed nervously.

“Obviously,” he agreed. “I just can’t help imagining if that actually did happen.”

Davion continued to stare at him. “I just lied, Phil. That really did happen. You were there, you apologized a million times and even gave the girl your own shirt.”

Phil cleared his throat. He laughed again, anxiety building in the pit of his stomach, making the sound come out squeaky and breathy.

“I just realized that I forgot to take a shower, I’ll be right back!” Phil stated, jumping out of his chair and rushing out of the kitchen.

“Phil _never_  leaves his breakfast before he’s done with it,” Phil heard Jason mutter.

“What do you think’s wrong with him?” Davion replied, his voice faint as Phil was already sprinting up the stairs.

It wasn’t a good idea to let Davion and Jason get suspicious of him. Because if they did realize that he wasn’t the real Phil, _their_  real Phil, then what would they do to him? Would they even believe Phil if he told them he’d come from a different universe? One where he and Dan dated and he’d never even met his other band members?

He would have to be more careful from now on, would have to hide his reactions and perform better under pressure for his own safety. And the safety of Dan, back in the world where Phil belonged. If he could never return… God, he didn’t even want to think about it.

Phil took a quick shower in an attempt to keep up with his lie, before returning downstairs. The incident seemed to be forgotten, which Phil was thankful for, though he wasn’t quick to let himself forget it. He would have to remain on his toes, to be careful with what he said and pretend that he understood everything that was going on.

“Ready to go?” Davion asked as Phil stopped beside him. Phil nodded.

Dan was standing slightly to the side, wearing a big hoodie and looking pale and a little panicked. He managed to make himself move just like the rest of them, however. They piled into the car together, Dan not even bothering to complain that it wasn’t the limo, and prepared to go meet some fans.

“Okay Rising Moon, let’s do this,” Davion said, as he pulled out of the drive way.

Rising Moon. Phil rolled the name around in his head, before realizing that it must be their band name. He decided that he liked it.


	4. Chapter 4

“Dan! Phil!” a woman shouted excitedly, sitting at a booth. Dan smiled and waved to her, before immediately making his way to the table. Phil followed behind him uncertainly, wondering if this was another fan or the person they were here to meet.

“Hey Louise,” Dan greeted, sliding into the opposite side of the booth. Phil had a minor dilemma, frantically trying to decide who to sit next to, before he slid in next to Dan. Better to stick with the enemy you know, after all. Not that Dan was necessarily an enemy, nor the supposed Louise, but nobody was really on his side either. Not when they didn’t even know that he was a different Phil than the one they knew.

“How’s it going?” Louise asked, smiling pleasantly over the top of her menu. She looked nice enough, though Phil had absolutely no clue who she was or how he and Dan apparently knew her. It was unsettling, how it was even possible for Phil to wake up and somehow be in a different life altogether. It would almost make more sense if Dan wasn’t there either, seeing as no one else Phil knew was with him.

“Good,” Dan answered, and Phil nodded along, opting not to speak. He was afraid that he was going to say something completely out of place or character for the Phil that he was here, and he had no clue what would happen if he was discovered. “We were trying to brainstorm video ideas on the walk here, do you have anything?”

Louise hummed thoughtfully. “We could play truth? Maybe let people tweet in questions?”

“That could work,” Dan replied, nodding. Phil nodded along again, because it seemed like a good enough option as any. He felt completely out of place, and suddenly he just felt exhausted, despite the fact that he’d only been in this weird alternate universe for a few hours yet. Phil just wanted to be home, with Jason and Davion and even the mean version of Dan, who he would rather put up with any day than be somewhere where he didn’t belong.

“You okay, Phil? You look a little queasy,” Louise said concernedly, peering into his face.

“That’s what I said this morning!” Dan exclaimed. “You said you were just tired,” he said accusingly, before peering into Phil’s face once more.

Phil opened his mouth to protest but Dan was speaking again. “You look… unsettled. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Phil lied. “I just feel a bit…” _Disoriented. Out of place. Like I was sucked out of my home and plopped into your strange universe._  “Tired.”

Dan glared at him. “Don’t pretend like I can’t tell when something’s wrong,” Dan said. “If it’s something I did, tell me.”

“No! You didn’t do anything,” Phil said quickly. He was falling deeper and deeper into this mess, apparently the Dan of this universe knew him so entirely well that Phil could barely get away with lying.

He was even debating just coming clean about this whole situation. Except for the fact that he didn’t really _know_  this Dan, didn’t know if he could trust him or if Dan would even believe him. For all Phil knew, he could tell Dan about his dilemma and then be kicked out of their flat, or shoved into a mental institution. It wasn’t worth chancing.

Dan continued to squint at Phil suspiciously, and Phil looked to Louise for help. Instead of helping, however, she also lowered her eyebrows, and the two of them leaned in even further, as if staring at him closer up would reveal what was wrong.

“Guys,” Phil said stoically. “Guys.”

“Phil,” Dan said.

“Dan,” Phil said.

“Louise,” Louise said.

“I’m going to find out what’s wrong, just like I always do, and you’re going to feel ridiculous for not telling me, just like you always do,” Dan said, and Phil rolled his eyes.

“Okay.”

Thankfully, Dan seemed to take that as an actual answer and their breakfast finally continued. Out of habit, Phil scanned the menu for both himself and Dan, searching for something healthy that Dan would be likely to actually finish and not feel guilty about for the entire day. It was surprising, then, when the waitress came and Dan ordered first, getting a large breakfast sandwich with plenty of cheese and bacon and carbs. Phil was left gaping at him for a few moments before Dan bumped his shoulder against Phil’s, reminding him to order.

Phil managed to stutter out an order just in time to not seem like a complete idiot, but not fast enough to save his dignity. Even more surprise flooded Phil when Dan dug into his food immediately, though by now Phil should’ve expected it. This was not his Dan, not the one he knew. This Dan was healthy.

“Oh, I’m so excited,” Louise was saying as Phil tuned back in. He’d zoned out, not for the first time, finding it hard to concentrate on matters that didn’t feel related to him in the slightest. Dan and Louise were constantly talking about events and memories and people that Phil didn’t know or care about, and he felt like an outsider despite being Dan’s boyfriend. And he was an outsider, after all. He just wasn’t _supposed_  to be.

“Me too,” Dan responded. “Phil’s ecstatic, right Phil?” he asked, staring at Phil expectantly.

“Oh, uh… I forgot what we were talking about,” Phil admitted.

Dan snorted. “What else? Vidcon! You know, that event we’re flying out for in a week? To meet fans?”

Phil’s eyes widened in surprise, suddenly remembering that he was busy in a week’s time. He had plans, _huge_  plans, like, concert-worthy plans. and by concert worthy, Phil meant that it was just, in fact, a concert. But him and his band, Rising Moon, had planned to play one of their newest songs they were writing as a sneak peek. Plus, though he didn’t envy the Phil who had to get onto the stage, he also didn’t expect much from him. There was pretty much no way that he was as good a singer, and he’d never make it through their pre-show competition ritual, a horrible game that the band had for some reason initiated and never really grown out of.

“Oh yeah,” Phil said, laughing nervously. “So excited.”

Breakfast continued to pass in that haze of misunderstanding and wishing he was home, and Phil found himself anxious for breakfast to end. Although he still didn’t entirely understand what the filming process of their YouTube videos would entail, he was more willing to give it a go than continue to sit through this meal in confusion.

When finally they paid and left, Phil managed to stay slightly behind Dan and Louise, trying to encourage them to continue to do most of the talking and to keep Phil out of it. He probably didn’t have much time until he made a major misstep and was thrown under suspicion.

And as the day progressed, Phil was surprised that Dan and Louise hadn’t yet claimed that he’d been possessed or something. He was constantly getting things wrong and saying things that weren’t true in this universe. He’d been halfway through telling a story for a video before Dan interrupted claiming it wasn’t true. “You told me that Susie bit you, not kissed you,” Dan laughed.

“Maybe it was a bit of both,” Phil joked, attempting to recover. He’d abstained from telling stories then, afraid to say something that yet again hadn’t happened in this universe. Luckily the videos they ended up doing were more game-like and less tell-us-about-your-life-like.

Still, Phil hadn’t known how to set up the camera or microphones or anything, and had to claim laziness and make Dan do it whenever he was asked to set one up. The day was full of stress and a need to escape, and it was a huge relief when Louise finally left. This way Phil only had to deal with one person, even if he was just a strange version of a person Phil already knew.

“Louise forgot her bag,” Dan said shortly after Louise left, holding up a plastic grocery bag full of unused props. She’d brought a few random supplies, none of them having known what kind of video they were going to film. Phil stepped forward, peering into the bag curiously.

“Can I paint your nails?” Phil asked immediately, having spotted the nail polish. It was dark grey, the same color that the Dan he was familiar with wore most often.

Dan laughed. “What? Why?”

“Come on!” Phil begged, suddenly and desperately needing this. He just needed Dan to be a bit more familiar, for some part of him to be a part that he recognized.

“But it’ll be horrible,” Dan protested. “There’s no way either of us know how to paint nails.”

This was a lie, of course. Maybe the Phil that was a YouTuber didn’t know how to paint nails, but Phil from Rising Moon definitely did, and it was all thanks to Dan. See, not only did Dan love to have his nails painted, he was also incredibly lazy. And it was thanks to that laziness that everyone in the band knew how to paint nails, thanks to Dan often and loudly persuading them to paint his nails for him.

He would even come to Phil, whom he usually wouldn’t ask for anything, to paint his nails, which truly showed how lazy and desperate he could get. And Phil only did it because Dan was always willing to trade something, like doing the dishes on Phil’s night or doing a load of Phil’s laundry (after his nails were dry, of course.)

“I think I can do it,” Phil said persuasively. “Come on!”

“Fine,” Dan laughed. “But if it’s horrible you have to take it off.”

Phil grinned excitedly and pulled Dan onto the floor next to him, placing Dan’s hand on his knee. He then set to work, his tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration the majority of the time, and carefully painted Dan’s nails.

“How are you so good at this?” Dan asked, examining one hand as Phil painted the other.

“Hidden talent?”

Dan laughed, before blowing on his nails in an attempt to dry them. “You know what would make these freshly painted nails even better?” he asked.

“What?” Phil responded, as he screwed the nail polish closed and threw it back into Louise’s bag.

“Biscuits.”

Phil rolled his eyes but helped Dan stand up, careful not to mess up his nails, and walked towards the kitchen, which he’d thankfully seen and knew his way to thanks to his time in their home so far.

Making biscuits consisted mainly of Phil doing all the work and Dan sitting on the counter, claiming that he could mess up his nails even long after they dried. This fear didn’t stop him from snatching Phil every time he walked by, however, so that he could kiss him on the hair or cheek or lips.

When finally the biscuits were done, Dan made Phil feed it to him. “I wouldn’t want to mess up my nails,” Dan said pompously, and Phil scoffed before holding up a biscuit in front of Dan’s face. They soon moved their little party back to the living room though, wanting to watch tv.

Dan leaned against him as they watched tv and Phil wrapped his arm around him in response, both of them sinking into a rather large crease in the sofa. Phil decided not to ask. Still, it was surprising how comforting it was to hold the other boy so closely to himself, to feel the heat of Dan pressed against his side and wrapped up in his arms. He rarely experienced this back in the band, partially because it’s hard to find anyone to develop a relationship with when most people already knew who you were and would sell you out to the media at the first chance they got.

This was nice, though. And finally, for the first time all day, Phil wasn’t frantically trying to figure out how to get back home. He wasn’t panicking and freaking out and stressing, he was just relaxing, holding his boyfriend-in-this-universe in his arms.

“Lay down,” Dan said, sitting up slightly away from Phil. Phil complied, scooting his body down along the couch. “No complaints about already being comfy? You’re finally starting to appreciate my genius,” Dan remarked. Phil simply smiled ruefully in response, hoping that it could come across as an answer.

Dan then laid down mostly on top of Phil, half of his body on top of him and the other half smushed in between Phil and the couch cushions. Dan seemed comfortable though, and he wrapped one arm around Phil’s stomach while using the other one to cushion his head on Phil’s chest.

Something inside Phil’s chest urged him to pull Dan up closer, and so he wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist and yanked him upward, so that his head was right next to Phil’s, his breaths spilling out hotly over Phil’s neck. Dan laughed when Phil did this, nuzzling into his neck further. “You can never just let me sleep on your chest, can you?”

Dan placed a soft kiss on Phil’s chin, before turning his head back into Phil’s shoulder. Phil slid his fingers through the other boy’s hair as his breaths evened out. It felt so impossible, so different to be cuddling with Dan. He _knew_  Dan, or a version of him at least, and he was nothing like this. He wasn’t soft and cuddly and loving, he didn’t persuade Phil to make biscuits at night. The Dan he knew was sick, would never get this close to Phil, both because he hated him and because he most likely wouldn’t want Phil to feel just how skinny he truly was. Or maybe in Dan’s mind, he’d be thinking that Phil would feel like he was fat. Dan was self conscious that way, constantly second guessing himself and taking his anger out mostly on Phil.

And Phil couldn’t help arguing right back, there was just something between them, some sort of chemistry that clashed viciously. Although here, somehow, in this gone-wrong universe, they didn’t hate each other. They didn’t have some sort of clashing chemistry, they just had endless love for each other. The kind of love that made them want to spend each and every day together.

It felt nice, taking this Phil’s spot briefly, experiencing what it felt like to be loved and cared for so deeply. And though it pained him to have to leave that feeling behind, he knew he had to. He didn’t belong here, he couldn’t steal this Dan and take him back with him. Not that Phil would want to, of course. He didn’t have feelings for _Dan_ , he just liked the feeling of being loved. And so what if Phil had noticed the real Dan on occasion? Had had difficulty swallowing when he’d seen Dan brush a few strands of hair out of his eyes, had felt inexplicably warm when a sleepy Dan had wandered downstairs in the small hours of the night for a glass of water at the same time Phil did, before he’d glared at him, at least.

Phil had been startled, hearing footsteps behind him, and he’d spun around to behold Dan, clad in a giant sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. Dan had still looked half asleep, and he’d squinted into the light the fridge gave off, as if he’s eyes were still too sensitive, having not adjusted to being awake yet. He’d blinked sleepily a few times then, before he apparently focused on Phil, and gave him the most tired and ineffective glare ever.

“Out of my way Lester, I’m dying of thirst here,” Dan had croaked, before stumbling forward, his shoulder bumping against Phil’s as he passed. He’d reached into a cabinet for a glass then, yawning, and wiped his eyes blearily as he’d made his way to the fridge. His head had thumped against the cool metal, his eyes closing, as he’d began to fill his cup with water, and Phil had watched with raised eyebrows and the water filled higher and higher, eventually spilling over the sides of the cup.

Rolling his eyes, Phil had stepped forward and grabbed Dan’s shoulders lightly, pulling him gently away from the fridge. Dan had leaned backward into Phil’s chest, probably more asleep than awake, and hummed. “Let’s get you back to bed, Howell,” Phil had whispered, and Dan hadn’t deigned this with a response, still breathing slowly, his cup dripping on the floor.

Phil had grabbed the cup, taking a large sip so it wouldn’t spill everywhere as they walked, and pressed Dan forward in the direction of his room. It’d been slow work, seeing as Dan had actually fallen asleep standing and had, at that point, been sleepwalking. Phil had gotten him back to his room safely though, and put his cup on his bedside table. Shaking his head at Dan, and the shit that Phil had to do for him, he’d left the room.

And it’s not like he’d harbored any affection for Dan throughout the ordeal, nor before or after it. It was impossible to, what with the way Dan was always sniping at him.

“Phil…” Dan said, and Phil wrenched his eyes open, realizing he’d been on the verge of falling asleep. He glanced down at Dan, whose eyes were still closed in sleep. Dan gasped then, quickly followed by a whimper, and his hand tightened in Phil’s t-shirt.

Dan moaned quietly, and his body twitched against Phil’s. Phil clued into what was happening and watched curiously, having never witnessed anyone having a sex dream before. Plus, it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, seeing as Dan was his boyfriend. Or was _some_  Phil’s boyfriend, anyway.

“Mm, Phil please,” Dan murmured, his breath spilling across Phil’s neck faster than before. Phil realized then that he could feel Dan’s arousal pressed against his hip, and his face reddened slightly, knowing that he was awake for whatever Dan was experiencing, and that he was the subject of Dan’s dream as well.

Then, Dan started rubbing himself against Phil, oh so slowly. His breathing hitched, and he jerked against Phil, before resuming the slow pace. Phil could feel it all intensely as well, thanks to the fact that they were both wearing only boxers and t-shirts.

Curiously, Phil slid his hand carefully under Dan, cupping his erection. Dan’s body shuddered slightly as Phil did this, and he gave it an experimental squeeze, relishing in Dan’s answering moan. He’d never had a chance to have sex with boys before waking up here, and it was every bit as hot and arousing as he’d expected it to be.

Suddenly, Dan’s eyes flew open, and he blinked at Phil in confusion a couple of times. Phil answered this by squeezing Dan’s cock, who’s eyes fluttered shut again, moaning into Phil’s neck.

“Oh god, Phil,” he groaned, grinding much more effectively into Phil’s hand than he had been. “Oh don’t stop, please.”

Phil slid his hand into Dan’s pants in response, jerking him off like he usually would himself. Dan appeared to be liking it, anyway, if his flurry of appreciative moans and whimpers were to be trusted. Finally, Dan reached over and started getting Phil off as well, and Phil pressed his moans into Dan’s hair.

Suddenly Dan sat up and straddled Phil’s chest, still reaching behind himself to wank Phil. “Please Phil,” he said breathily, before sitting up a little more and leaning forward. Phil got the hint and opened his mouth, nervously performing his very first blowjob.

It wasn’t horrible, really. It wasn’t awful tasting nor entirely uncomfortable, and even if it was, Phil would continue to do it just to hear those sounds coming out of Dan’s mouth. He reached up and cupped Dan’s balls as Dan continued to slide in and out of his mouth carefully, slowly fucking Phil’s mouth.

Phil moaned around him when Dan slid his thumb through Phil’s slit, and Dan’s breath hitched, and then he was coming in Phil’s mouth, and jerking Phil off even faster than before, his hand performing magic on Phil’s body. And then Phil was coming too, throwing his head back to moan. They both stayed there for a few moments, panting, before Dan leaned down and kissed him.

“That was good,” he said finally, smiling as he kissed Phil again. “I don’t know why I keep having sex dreams though.”

“Even when you’re asleep you’re hot for me?” Phil teased, and Dan rolled his eyes, biting Phil’s neck lightly in response.

“Shut up,” he laughed, before snuggling into Phil once more. “We should move to bed,” he said quietly, eyes closed and body comfortably warm on top of Phil.

“Yeah, we should,” Phil answered. Neither of them moved.


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh fuck,” Dan muttered from beside Phil, staring out the window anxiously. There were packs of teens wandering around wearing Rising Moon merchandise. Phil struggled internally, wondering whether the Phil from here would normally comfort Dan.

The Phil that he was, the one that was deeply in love with Dan and had been for years, longed to comfort the man beside him and reassure him that everything would be okay. Because of the animosity between him and the Dan from this universe, however, made Phil have the feeling that a normal reaction would be to ignore it or even tease him because of it.

Phil spent so long debating how to respond that he missed the opportunity entirely, Davion having spoken up instead. “It’ll be okay, Dan,” he said, before pulling into a private parking garage. “Besides, it’s not like they don’t know you get anxious about these things, you’ve explained it before.”

Dan blushed as he glowered at the ground. “I shouldn’t get this way though. It’s just people who already love us, it’s not like I even have anything to prove.”

They were all climbing out of the car as Dan spoke, and Davion pulled up beside Dan and wrapped an arm around his shoulder amicably as they walked. “You can’t control your anxiety, but at least try not to feel so guilty about it,” he said, squeezing Dan’s shoulders tighter for a second before releasing him. Phil shot him a comforting grin, which Dan returned in the form of a glare. Phil huffed and looked away.

“I’m starving,” Jason announced, despite having had breakfast not too long ago.

“No you’re not, you’re _conditioned_ ,” Dan argued immediately, sounding as if he was repeating something he said often.

“I’m not,” Jason insisted. “I’m genuinely hungry.”

“Ever heard of Pavlov?”

“I’m not a dog!”

“You don’t have to be,” Dan explained. “It’s all about conditioning. Whenever we go to meet fans, they give you food and you eat it. So now that we’re meeting fans, you’re convinced that you’re hungry because you’re expecting food.”

“We told them not to bring anything,” Davion said, looking pained.

“And when has that ever stop them?” Phil interjected, thinking of the various YouTube conventions he’d been to. He appreciated all the gifts and things he received, he really did, but there just wasn’t enough room for it all, and most of it got guiltily donated anyway. Other people were more deserving of the presents, the people in actual need of those things.

“I’m hungry,” Jason muttered, and Dan just laughed.

“Lester, _you_  know about the Pavlov experiment. You experience it all the time, anyway. You convince Jason,” Dan said, looking at Phil expectantly.

Phil couldn’t help wondering when it happened to him, but he couldn’t ask about it without drawing suspicion. Sighing internally, Phil decided to compromise. “Well you’ll get fed in no time, Jason. Someone’ll have something for you.”

Dan groaned, and Jason whooped, pumping his fist into the air. Davion then demanded a piggy back ride from Jason, who refused and scurried away, Davion hot on his trail.

“You never help me convince him,” Dan pouted, staring off at Jason.

“That’s because I don’t experience it,” Phil chanced, hoping that this would register as regular banter between the two of them.

“Liar!” Dan rebutted. “Every time I file my nails, you try to leave the house.” Phil drew a blank, wondering why the hell he would care about Dan filing his nails. “Speaking of my nails,” Dan started, “will you paint them later?” He waggled his hand in front of Phil’s face, showing off his chipping nail polish.

Phil couldn’t fathom why the Phil who supposedly hated Dan would possibly paint his nails for him, but Dan sounded so sure of himself in asking that Phil couldn’t say no, not when it sounded like he usually agreed.

“Sure.”

Dan stopped in his tracks. Phil turned to face him, while Dan slowly raised an eyebrow.

“What? No begging me to ask Davion? No insisting that he’s just as good at painting nails as you are? No demanding me to wash the dishes on _your_  night?” Dan said, sounding disbelieving and confused.

“Well you always get your way anyway,” Phil responded, hoping that it was true. “And I want something else in return this time.” It was starting to make sense, at least. He hadn’t been able to comprehend his other self just painting Dan’s nails for the fun of it, but if he was getting out of chores? And he could see Dan ignoring their rivalry for the sake of good looking nails as well, which made more sense than them sometimes being on good terms and sometimes not.

To Phil it seemed as if they were friends, despite the fact that they hated each other. They were friends in a common friend group, and they tolerated each other and even sometimes (maybe?) enjoyed each other’s company, even though none of it made any sense.

“What do you want, then?” Dan asked, as they continued to walk a bit behind Jason, who was now resignedly carrying Davion on his back. They were headed towards the center of the city, and were right now mainly sticking to back roads and alleys.

“A massage,” Phil said, saying the first thing that popped into his head.

“A _massage_?” Dan said incredulously. “I can’t give a massage!”

“Sure you can,” Phil insisted. “You’re great at them.”

Dan scoffed. “And you think that because?”

 _Because you’ve given me many massages in your time_ , Phil thought.

“Because everyone can give massages. I’ll tell you what to do,” Phil said, and Dan sighed.

“Fine. Deal.”

“Perfect!” Phil responded, except for the fact that it wasn’t. He had no idea how to paint nails, and knowing his luck and clumsy fingers, he’d likely get paint all over Dan’s hands, and it’d look shoddy and horrible and Dan would know something was up. Plus, the thought of Dan having his hands all over Phil was both wonderful and horrible. It would be torture, feeling those familiar hands on his body but knowing it wasn’t the Dan he knew, knowing that it wouldn’t lead to cuddles or sex or anything more.

It was only a few minutes later later when Jason and Davion had turned the corner ahead of them that Dan and Phil began to bicker.

“No,” Dan argued loudly. “I would never eat sushi! No one in their right minds would ever eat sushi, it’s disgusting!”

“It’s not!” Phil insisted. “You love it!” And he did. In Phil’s universe anyway.

“No I don’t!”

“Well if you just _tried_  it you would easily see that you love it.”

“I can’t remember _you_  ever eating sushi,” Dan pointed out, and maybe the Phil from this universe refused to try it too, in which case he was an idiot.

“Maybe you’re just not watching well enough.”

It was while they were arguing, and Dan was looking incredulously at Phil, that a girl walked past the alley, staring down at her phone as she did. She happened to glance into it as she passed though, and she stumbled slightly, watching as Dan responded to Phil.

“You’re lying. You’re just trying to get me to eat gross food that I’ll hate so you can laugh.”

“I’m _not_!" Phil rebutted, starting to feel offended for the sake of sushi. It didn’t deserve to be hated like this, not from someone who was supposed to love it.

Dan scoffed, rolling his eyes and looking up, at which point he noticed the girl. She was still standing facing them, her phone held loosely in her hand by her side, her mouth wide open, aiding her shell-shocked expression. Dan stiffened immediately, recognizing the tell-tale signs of a fan, and Phil took over, smiling at her.

“Hi,” Phil said, continuing to walk forward. Dan followed a few steps behind seeming clearly uncomfortable.

“Oh my god, hi,” the fan said, her eyes wide. “I-I love your music. I have a tattoo,” she blurted, raising her arm and indicating the inside of the upper arm.

“That’s awesome!” Phil exclaimed, at the same time as Dan responded with a nervous laugh: “That’s a lot of responsibility.”

The fan laughed as well, her face looking impossibly happy as she looked at them, back and forth, repeatedly. “I can’t believe I actually witnessed you guys arguing,” she said.

“Not a rare occasion,” Dan said stiffly, with a small smile. Soon they were hugging the girl, and she was thanking them, and then they headed on their way, catching up with Jason and Davion who were already meeting other fans.

It was a blur of faces and names and thank yous and tears, but it was fun and made Phil’s heart feel full, even if they weren’t meeting the Phil they knew. He hugged and laughed and signed things and took selfies, each person feeling rewarding and loving. At one point, he heard a fan talking to Dan about their own anxiety, saying how they’d had to fight to even meet them today. Dan had told the fan that he was proud of them, and the fan responded likewise, apparently glad to have an idol with similar problems to relate to.

Phil also noticed that people tended to hug Dan more carefully, likely because of how skinny he was. Phil assumed that everyone knew about Dan’s eating disorder, especially if they already knew about his bouts of anxiety. Everyone was genuinely kind and thoughtful and patient, and it turned out to be a wonderful afternoon.

By the time they got back to the car, Jason was no longer starving (having had plenty of things to snack on thanks to various fans) and Dan looked incredibly worn out, though he wore a small smile. Once back in the house, they poured inside, snatching water bottles and even more snacks before retreating to their respective activities throughout the house. Davion laughed when Phil admitted to being sucked into having to paint Dan’s nails, and he laughed the entire time he climbed the stairs, his laughter eventually fading as he disappeared somewhere on the upper level.

“I guess I’ll give you a massage first,” Dan said, already pushing up his sleeves. “Otherwise I’ll ruin my freshly painted nails.”

“Okay,” Phil said, immediately stripping off his shirt instinctively. He glanced at Dan, whose eyes were wide, his cheeks flushed, and Phil plopped down on the couch on his stomach, realizing that removing his shirt around here was probably less of an occurrence than with the Dan who was his boyfriend.

“Where do I sit?” Dan asked, hovering uncertainly by his side.

“On my ass,” Phil said. _Duh_. It’s where Dan always sat when he gave Phil a massage, though perhaps it was a bit different, seeing as they were in a relationship.

“What?” the Dan of this universe exclaimed, continuing to stand exactly where he was.

“Don’t be a prude,” Phil taunted, which was apparently just the thing he needed to say, as Dan immediately scoffed and clambered onto Phil’s butt, his knees on either side of it, his own ass resting directly on top of Phil’s. If this was the regular Dan then Phil would expect some grinding, but, as it wasn’t, all he was likely to get out of this was a normal old massage.

“What first?” Dan questioned.

“My shoulders,” Phil directed. “Rub and squeeze them.”

Dan’s warm fingers found their way to Phil’s shoulders, squeezing and pushing and pulling just like Phil was used to. “See, you are good at this,” Phil whispered, already absorbed into the pleasure of the massage. Dan just made a humming sound in response, before taking initiative and massaging Phil all on his own, his fingers flying across Phil’s back and shoulders and neck like an expert, working out his kinks and warming his muscles. Phil wouldn’t believe that this was Dan’s first massage either, if it hadn’t been exactly like this back in his universe as well. He’d promised to teach Dan how to do it, but Dan had already possessed the magic touch, apparently, as Phil was simply putty under his fingertips.

Phil groaned appreciatively as Dan massaged him, and Dan stopped for a second, before continuing. Phil wasn’t sure how long the massage lasted for, only that it felt amazing and that he never wanted it to end. Plus, the way he wasn’t looking at Dan, just feeling his fingers and relaxing into the familiar sensations made it feel like he was home, which he longed desperately for.

“Is that good enough?” Dan asked some time later, and Phil nodded sleepily.

“Yeah that’s fine,” he answered, stifling a yawn into his hand.

And so they switched, Phil pulling his shirt back over his head and Dan settling criss cross on the couch, his hands splayed out in front of him. Phil paid special attention to Dan’s nails as he painted them carefully, dragging the brush over the smooth surface and trying desperately to stay within the lines. Thankfully, Phil seemed to possess some sort of natural ability for painting nails, just as Dan did with massaging.

The nails turned out pretty good, the shade a light pink this time instead of a dark gray.

“I wanted to mix it up,” Dan had admitted, as Phil had first started applying the color.

“It suits you,” Phil said truthfully, before wondering if this was perhaps the most civil conversation he and Dan had ever shared in this universe.

“You could be saying that just to spite me though,” Dan said, tapping his nails against the couch.

“Nah, wouldn’t want your girly hands to ruin the image of our band. I wouldn’t have painted it on if it didn’t look good,” Phil joked, and Dan made a most uncouth like snort, before shoving Phil none too lightly.

“If anything ruins the image of this bands it’s your… your…”

“Gayness?” Phil suggested.

“No!” Dan said immediately. “Crop tops!”

“What did they ever do to you?” Phil demanding, in an imitation of what he’d expect himself to say if he really did wear crop tops all the time.

“I mean, they’re an insult to my culture. And my religion.”

“Fuck off!” Phil laughed.

“They just show so much of your stomach,” Dan finally admitted with a little shrug. Phil blew gently on Dan’s nails, trying to get the nail polish to dry faster.

“What’s wrong with my stomach?”

“It’s pale.”

“And?”

“Your belly button is oddly deep.”

“And?”

“You have a little bit of ginger hair underneath your belly button.”

Phil smirked to himself. “And you noticed all of this because?”

Dan spluttered. “What— no, I— it’s just _there_! It’s all there!”

“Oh sure,” Phil said sarcastically.

“It _is_! It’s on show for the whole world to see.”

“So are your nails,” Phil pointed out.

“Yes but those aren’t a secret.”

“And my stomach’s a secret?”

There was a long pause, before: “yes.”

Phil laughed, before screwing the top of the nail polish back into place. He climbed onto the couch and rested his head on the opposite side from Dan, shoving his feet behind Dan’s back. Dan grumbled as he stood up, and Phil simply closed his eyes, deciding to let himself rest.

It wasn’t very surprising when Phil felt himself drifting off to sleep, and he didn’t do anything to fight it either. He let himself be taken away, feeling as if he were floating, drifting lightly from room to room in a cushion of peace. Of course, until it was shattered horribly by his loud bandmates.

“Dan!” Davion shouted in exasperation, a resounding smack on the floor giving the impression that he’d even stomped his foot.

“What?” Dan snarled in response, his voice coming from the direction of the stairs. Phil continued to pretend to be asleep, interested in finding out what was going on.

“I saw what you put in the trash.”

There was a long moment of silence. So long that Phil started to wonder if Dan had run away, or if both of them had been silently abducted by aliens. “I haven’t thrown anything away,” Dan said finally, his voice much quieter than before.

“Bullshit,” Davion snapped.

“Fuck off,” Dan growled back, before his footsteps resumed up the stairs.

“I’m going to make you a second meal, Dan, and you’re going to eat it!” Davion bellowed up the stairs, the only answer the resounding crash of Dan’s door slamming in its frame.

Davion let out a long drawn out sigh, and then Jason spoke up, alerting Phil to his presence for the first time.

“We can’t really force him to eat,” he admitted, sounding defeated.

“Oh yes we can,” Davion argued, determined. “He will eat the wonderful meals that I make and he will do his best to enjoy them.”

“He can’t help how he feels though,” Jason pointed out softly. “He probably feels disgusting every time he eats.”

Davion let out a long, drawn out sigh this time. “I just want him to be better already. He doesn’t deserve to suffer.”

“No one does,” Jason agreed, and then the two exited the living room, leaving Phil to his thoughts.

Deciding on a course of action, Phil stood up, ignoring the protesting of his newly massaged muscles, and grabbed an apple and a knife from the kitchen. He climbed the stairs and headed for Dan’s room, before knocking softly on the door.

“What?” Dan snapped from within, his voice sounding slightly muffled.

“Can I come in?” Phil asked.

Dan groaned. Phil took that as a yes.

He opened the door and crossed the room, climbing onto Dan’s bed and sitting in the middle of it. Dan was curled up against the wall, his duvet wrapped snugly around his shoulders as he leaned against it.

“What do you want?” Dan asked quietly, sounding defeated.

“I brought us this apple to share,” Phil said, holding up the apple with a small smile. A little glare formed on Dan’s face, and Phil resisted the urge to smooth out the wrinkle in between Dan’s brows with his thumb.

He used the knife to slice off a small chunk, and he handed this to Dan before taking another chunk and popping it into his own mouth.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked a few moments later, after Dan had sullenly placed the bite in his mouth, chewing it softly.

“Why do you care?” Dan muttered.

“Because you’re my friend,” Phil insisted. Dan rolled his eyes. Phil handed him another slice of apple.

“I’m not sure we count as friends,” Dan rebutted, taking the slice between his thumb and forefinger and biting into the edge of it, before placing it on his tongue and taking his time to chew it.

“Sure we do,” Phil protested. “We share a house. We share a love of limos. We share apples.” Dan held out his hand, this time before Phil had even cut another chunk. He did so quickly, placing the bite in Dan’s palm.

“And why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because we’re friends,” Phil said again.

“Sure.”

“We are,” Phil said solidly. “We argue and bicker and hate each other more than not, but I paint your nails and you massage my back,” Phil pointed out.

“We only do those things in exchange for a benefit of our own,” Dan pointed out.

“If we truly, completely hated each other,” Phil said, “then we would refuse to do anything for each other at all, even if we benefited from it. We’re like… frenemies,” Phil said. Mainly, he was trying to convince Dan. Because he was tired of arguing with the love of his life all the time, and maybe this way when the Phil of this universe returned, they’d be able to be friends also.

“That makes me feel like a twelve year old,” Dan groaned.

“You are a twelve year old,” Phil promised, “Argued with Dad, slammed your door, hid under your blankets…”

Dan pulled his duvet even tighter around himself and glared at Phil, who shrugged with a rueful smile.

“Then again, we’re all probably twelve,” Phil said.

“Twelve is the worst age,” Dan said.

“Thirteen?” Phil offered.

Dan pursed his lips slightly, before nodding slowly. “Sure,” he said, and held out his hand for the next slice of apple. Phil smiled as he placed it in Dan’s hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i'm posting this a bit early because i accidentally posted it on tumblr earlier today too, and i thought, well, why not! i hope you enjoy this slightly earlier than usual update, haha! :]

Phil woke up feeling confused, unable to remember where he was. It wasn’t a foreign feeling, rather one he felt quite often. He would wake up in hotels or on the living room couch or in their tour bus, and his eyes would fly open and his heart would pound and for a few terrifying seconds he would have no idea where he was at all. Of course, then his brain would catch up with his eyes, and he would remember why it was he was waking up where he was and his heart would slow, though it was never less scary the next time.

The same was happening currently, however. For a few moments Phil let his eyes dart around, taking in the shadowy shapes of the room he was in, everything obscured in darkness thanks to the drawn blinds. Finally he remembered where he was and who he was with (which did explain the odd weight on his chest) and he let out a relieved little breath. Not to worry, he was only in the familiar wrong universe.

Dan groaned, turning his face to the side and grumbling under his breath. His fingers clenched in Phil’s shirt as he yawned.

“Babe?” Dan croaked, finally propping his chin up on Phil’s chest and looking up at him with tired, squinty little eyes.

“Hm?” Phil hummed, the sound of their voices and breaths the only thing loud enough to be heard in the silent room. It was a comfortable atmosphere, lying in the haze of just waking up, their bodies soft and warm and pressed against each other. Dan’s body apparently turned into a space heater when he fell asleep, which explained why Phil hadn’t woken up freezing in the middle of the night, desperate for a blanket, which he would have in any other circumstance. He usually couldn’t sleep without one.

“If you—” Dan broke off with a yawn— “If you make us coffee I’ll give you a blowjob,” he promised sleepily, resting his head back down on Phil’s chest.

“‘M too comfy,” Phil protested, shutting his eyes again and feigning sleep.

“Come on!” Dan whined. “I need caffeine. Phil. Phil!” Phil cracked open an eye. “I’ll _die_  without it!”

“You make it,” Phil grumbled. “And I’ll suck _you_  off.”

“You can’t bribe me with my own bribe,” Dan scoffed, and Phil laughed into his hair, taking the chance to inhale his scent, like honey and mint and skin.

“Fine,” Phil finally conceded. “I’ll make coffee.”

Dan cheered and rolled off him, burying himself in the couch instead, making Phil rolled his eyes fondly (woah, fondly? Phil wasn’t fond of Dan. Not of this Dan, who wasn’t his own, or any Dan! He rolled his eyes in annoyance, is what he did. Because Dan was acting like… an asshole. Typical Dan Howell behavior).

“Are you just gonna stand there all day or do you plan on making our coffee?” Dan asked, peeking at Phil from where his face was crushed into the cushions. Phil laughed and turned around, making his way into the kitchen to prepare their coffee. It only took a little bit of poking around to find all the right ingredients, and it turned out that the Dan and Phil from this universe liked the same kind that they liked in Phil’s universe as well.

He made coffee for both himself and Dan on a regular basis, though it took a lot more bribing on Dan’s part. Dan would barge into his room at disgusting o’clock and demand a cup of coffee, which Phil would immediately refuse to do.

“Come _on_ ,” Dan would whine, leaning against the door frame and staring at Phil, his expression a mixture of pleading and commanding.

“No,” Phil would groan, rolling over to face away from the horrible person who’d just woken him up.

“You make it better than me, you know you do!” Dan would argue.

“That’s because you never bother to make it yourself,” Phil would refute.

On extreme cases Dan would even enter his room, either to stand somewhere where Phil couldn’t as easily ignore him, or to annoy the actual living shit out of Phil until he did what Dan wanted.

“Please? Please Lester? C’mon please, please, please?” each of these would be punctuated with Dan poking or punching or shaking him. Phil would groan his disapproval, and Dan would yank him off the bed, leaving him with a large bruise on his butt and an attitude that made him want to make coffee for Dan even less.

“You actually think I’ll make you coffee _now_?” Phil had demanded incredulously the first time it had happened.

“Yes,” Dan had responded, and he was right of course. But only because all of this had started back in the days when Dan would rarely eat an entire meal in a day, and at least coffee would be a guaranteed few calories, if nothing else. So Phil would drag himself out of bed and help the thin boy achieve a fraction of what any person needed in a day, and Dan would hum into his mug with enjoyment.

Dan still demanded coffee sometimes (or he had, back when Phil was in his universe a couple days ago) although it was more rarely than before. Because now Dan was closely watched to assure he received three meals a day, and if he could skip out on those extra calories that coffee brought, then he was going to. The only problem with that was that Dan was still obsessed and possibly addicted to coffee. Phil would smirk to himself when a bedraggled Dan Howell would appear in his doorway, demanding coffee and looking mad about it.

Phil was grateful for Dan’s constant persistence now though, seeing as it would be absolutely horrible if he wandered back into the living room with a cup of coffee completely different to how Dan would normally take it. He added the sugar and milk to both of their mugs, although much less went into Dan’s, just enough to lighted up the color slightly. Then Phil carried the steaming mugs back into the living room, unable to stop the grin that fought its way onto his face when Dan sat up, inhaling the air deeply.

“Smells amazing,” Dan commented, before opening his eyes and seeing Phil’s smile and matching it for one of his own. He was sitting cross legged on the couch, his thin boxers showing off his long pale legs while his big t-shirt drowned his upper body comfortably.

Dan reached for the mug and smiled innocently, his eyes the embodiment of a puppy dog. Phil sighed. “You don’t have to give me a blowjob.”

“Yes!” Dan cheered. “I was so not in the mood right now.”

Phil laughed and clambered back onto the couch, snuggling into Dan’s side, who was still conveniently warm despite now being awake. Dan leaned his head back against Phil’s shoulder, which allowed him to look up at Phil’s face while he set up the tv and put on a show.

“I love you,” Dan whispered, in that casual way that those in love said it, with a familiar tongue, a recognizable taste. He pressed a kiss gently against Phil’s chin as he did, and Phil stumbled out a response, telling Dan that he loved him too. Scarily, he didn’t feel completely like he was lying either, which sent a cold prickle of shock down his spine. He couldn’t like Dan like that, even if it wasn’t the Dan he was used to, because he’d be going back to that Dan and leaving this one behind. And what would happen if Phil ended up with leftover feelings? What would happen if he went back home and found his love or crush or whatever it was refusing to dissipate? What then?

Dan sighed and snuggled further into his chest. Phil let him, feeling like a fraud.

—

Phil panted as Dan rubbed themselves together under the comforter, both of them frantically tearing off clothes so that their naked bodies could touch.

“Do you want to top or bottom?” Phil panted, sucking at Dan’s neck after he did. Dan froze.

A nervous sounding laugh emitted from underneath him, and Phil pulled back slightly, looking down at Dan.

“Good one,” Dan said sarcastically, his face betraying his tone. He looked worried.

“Huh?” Phil panted. All the blood in his body was currently located elsewhere than his brain, and he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. If he’d been able to think straight he might have noticed the stiffening in Dan’s body, along with the confused look on his face.

“I mean, I always top don’t I?” Dan said cautiously.

“Yeah I know, I know,” Phil laughed it off. “Just messing with you!”

Dan scrambled out from under Phil, pulling up his boxers as he did. “Phil? What’s wrong with you?” he demanded.

“What?”

“Come on,” Dan said, looking at him intensely, as if Phil were about to burst out laughing and yell “Gotcha!”

Dan scooted a little further backwards, looking at Phil with confusion. “I always bottom,” he said, as if trying to jog his memory. “Phil? You know that!”

“Oh… oh yeah,” Phil answered, though Dan didn’t look convinced at all.

“Just tell me what’s going on,” he pleaded, and Phil swallowed thickly. This wasn’t his Dan, this wasn’t his life he could potentially ruin. But this Dan… this Dan loved his Phil. They were obviously deeply and madly in love, and how could a little universal mistake ruin that? Dan would believe Phil, and then he would help Phil get back to where he belonged.

“Well, Dan—I…” Phil began, looking at Dan nervously. “The truth is I’m not the Phil you know.”

Dan stared at him blankly, which was understandable, of course, but Phil had no idea how he was supposed to accurately explain this.

“What?” Dan said incredulously. “This is a dumb prank, Phil. You can do better.”

“No, Dan, I’m serious,” Phil said pleadingly. “I’m not this… this YouTuber guy that you know. I’m in a band. Rising Moon. And you and I hate each other in my life.”

Dan was staring at him with his eyebrows drawn together, looking exactly like someone listening to some bullshit story.

“I’m serious!” Phil said. “That’s why I’m better at singing now! I’m one of the leads in the band!”

“You _are_  better at singing…” Dan said tentatively. “But okay, come on. Drop the joke. I wanted to have sex.”

“I’ve never had sex with a man before,” Phil admitted. “And I only just came out to my friends, Davion and Jason. And you, I guess, although we’re not really friends, not conventionally. That’s everyone in my band, by the way.”

Dan gaped at Phil, looking scared and no less confused than before.

“Dan,” Phil started, reaching out to grab Dan’s hand, who pulled away and scooted further back on the bed. Dan crossed his arms over his chest, his cheeks pink.

“You’re serious, Phil? You’re seriously not joking with me? Because I’ll be so pissed. It’ll be like, no sex for a week,” Dan threatened.

“I’m not joking,” Phil promised.

“For a month!” Dan added, glaring now, his eyes darting between Phil’s own, searching for a lie.

“I’m not lying,” Phil said.

Finally, Dan seemed to believe him, and he looked sick because of it. He scrambled off the bed and yanked a large, discarded sweatshirt over his head. Phil recognized it as his own, or one of the one’s that belonged to him in this universe, anyway. Wearing them made him realize that he missed them, and that he didn’t own nearly enough comfortable clothes back home.

He glanced up at Dan guiltily, who was hugging his sides, slumped in on himself. He looked like the embodiment of anxiety and paranoia, and Phil stood up, putting on clothes as he did, and approached Dan. He reached out, but Dan flinched away from him.

“I…” Dan began, before gulping and staring at Phil with wide eyes. “I cheated on Phil! On… on you, or… on my boyfriend! I had sex with you and not him, oh god,” Dan exclaimed, hugging himself even tighter. He looked like he was going to be sick.

“Howe— Dan, it’s gonna be okay.”

“How long has this been going on?” Dan questioned. “Is my Phil in your universe? Is he okay, do you know? Can you communicate with him? When are you going back?”

“This is only my second day here,” Phil answered. “And I assume that he’s where I’m from, but I don’t know anything more than you do. I don’t know why I’m here or how I’m going to get back.”

Dan sniffled, his eyes tearing up, and Phil opened his arms for a hug. Dan, apparently in need of comfort more than he was disturbed, stepped forward and buried his face in Phil’s neck.

“You smell just like him,” Dan whispered after a few minutes. “Look just like him. Nothing’s different at all,” he said. “Do I look the same?”

Phil stiffened slightly. “Well, I presume you would. If you didn’t have an eating disorder.”

Dan jerked back, his eyes wide. “What? Why do I— why does he… why?”

Phil shrugged sadly. “We didn’t really know about it at first, when we first became a band. We met when we were teenagers, and we didn’t notice as much. It was hard not to though, when Howell looked about ready to toddle off to the grave.”

Dan stared at him in horror, and Phil smiled slightly. “Uh, he’s— you’re— he’s a bit better now. He looks a lot healthier than he did, and he’s getting better every day.”

Nodding slowly and pulling away, Dan made his way over to their bed and sat down, dragging the comforter back around his shoulders. “We have to figure out how to get you back,” Dan said. “This isn’t right. I need my Phil back, and the other Dan needs you.”

“No he doesn’t,” Phil scoffed, throwing himself onto the bed next to Dan. “He hates me.”

“Yeah right,” Dan argued, despite knowing nearly nothing about Phil’s universe at all. “I don’t think it’s entirely possible for me to hate you in any universe.”

Phil pondered that, thinking of his interactions with Dan. At times it seemed like they were friends. Dan certainly didn’t seem like he hated Phil when Phil was painting his nails or making him coffee or running into him in the middle of the night. It was these quiet, in between moments where Dan seemed so open, almost kind. Barely.

“Well, we’re definitely not good friends or anything.”

“You should just seduce him. In fact, Phil’s probably doing that already.”

“But he’s straight,” Phil protested.

At this, Dan bursted out laughing. “Trust me, he’s gay. There’s no way I could ever be straight.”

Phil chewed on his cheek, thinking. “Do you think that’s why I’m here then?” he asked.

“Hm?”

“Maybe the universe wants us to be together. Like, it put your Phil, who obviously loves you, in my universe and he’s probably spending all his time trying to get Howell’s attention. And I didn’t feel anything for you at all before I woke up here,” Phil said. “Or at least, I hadn’t realized if I did,” he added, and cleared his throat.

“How is this even possible?” Dan groaned, laying his head against Phil’s shoulder.

“I don’t know,” Phil sighed, bringing his hand up to toy with Dan’s hair.

“I love it when Phil does that,” Dan whispered.

“I _am_  Phil,” Phil answered.

“My Phil,” Dan responded. Phil snorted.

“I can’t believe I stole some of your firsts,” Dan sighed, his eyes slipping shut.

“I don’t mind,” Phil admitted. “They were amazing.”

Dan laughed. “Phil and I have the best sex all the time, and all I’ve treated you to is sloppy frotting and blowjobs.”

“Well I enjoyed them thoroughly,” Phil promised, turning his head to bury it in Dan’s hair.

They laid like that for a while, with Dan’s head rested on Phil’s shoulder and Phil’s nose buried in Dan’s hair. It felt good to be pressed together, it was comforting and soft and warm.

“Tell me more about your universe,” Dan said a while later. His fingers had started playing with Phil’s, curling and uncurling them into a fist, running his fingers over them and around them. He stared at their hands as he asked the question, and Phil did the same as he answered it.

“We’re in a band,” Phil started, and Dan laughed softly. “You and I are the lead singers, and you play the piano a lot too.”

“I can play the piano!” Dan said excitedly, turning to look at Phil as he did. “Sometime’s Phil’ll make me play him a song when he doesn’t feel well. Or when he’s bored.”

Phil squeezed Dan in response, imagining the cute scenario between the couple, and continued. “Before we start any tour, we have a prank war. It’s horrible and we all complain about it the entire time it’s happening but we still do it every tour.”

“What kind of pranks?” Dan asked.

“Well last time, I put pink hair dye in Howell’s shampoo,” Phil admitted, and Dan gasped. “He pretended to be furious, but he still kept it for a month. He loved it.”

“I would kill Phil if he did that to me,” Dan said.

“Yeah? Well in my universe you’re always wearing makeup and painting your nails. The hair fit right in.”

Dan laughed. “Is that why you wanted to paint my nails so badly?” he held up his hand, still decorated with the polish.

“I wanted _something_  to look familiar around here.”

“I wonder what you and I are doing in your universe right now,” Dan pondered, sighing as he stretched out on the bed a bit more.

“Howell’s probably being a dick at every turn.”

“Phil’s probably trying to get in his pants,” Dan sighed. “That bastard! As if one of me isn’t enough.”

“Are you actually mad at him?” Phil questioned. After all, Dan had had sex with him, though he hadn’t known that he wasn’t his boyfriend at the time.

“No,” Dan sighed. “If I woke up in a universe with Phil as some rockstar, I’d want to fuck him too. I’ll kill Phil if he has sex with anyone other than Parallel-Universe-Me though.”

“Well I’ve got great news for you…” Phil said, turning onto his side to look at Dan. “You _did_  wake up next to a rockstar Phil.”

Dan laughed and tugged Phil on top of him. “You said this was your first time with a guy?”

Phil hummed in affirmation.

“Then you’re in luck. I’m the only one in this entire universe who knows what makes you tick.” And with that, Dan tugged lightly on his hair, and Phil found himself getting hard immediately, a moan pressed into Dan’s neck.

“I didn’t even know about that one,” Phil gasped, and Dan laughed.

“There’s so many more.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter contains references to anorexia (as they have in the past for the same reasons) and also suicidal thoughts/tendencies. if you would like to avoid reading about this, then stop reading or skip after the second break (ex: --). i'm always happy to explain what happens after in a detached, medical, non-detail kind of way for anyone who doesn't wanna read it!! (in my opinion it isn't too deep or explicit though, of course i just thought i would warn you)
> 
> also yes i'm updating at 2am. got a problem with that???

Waking up was not a pleasant experience, and that was coming from Phil, who'd recently woken up in a different universe entirely.

"Lester!" Dan shouted, which surprised Phil so violently that he fell off the bed in surprise. And for some reason the ground was covered in soap. It was cold and slimy and smelled overwhelmingly of flowers, mainly thanks to it being up Phil’s nose.

Phil, still half asleep and confused beyond belief, tried to stand up only to slip on the soapy floor. "What the hell?" he muttered, falling once more. He ended up staying on his hands and knees, blinking sleepily in Dan's direction.

"What did you do?" he mumbled, glancing around blearily for his glasses. Dan was laughing, bent over in half he was laughing so hard.

"N-Nothing," Dan wheezed, before he straightened up. "Must've been Jason, this is definitely a Jason prank."

"But why?"

Dan scoffed. "We tour in a week, idiot. Why else?"

Perhaps Phil was just too tired to understand why touring in a week and having a prank pulled on him went hand in hand, but he decided to just accept it.

"And you woke me up because?"

"Coffee."

Phil was bewildered. What even was his and Dan's relationship in this universe? One second they were snarling at each other in the kitchen, and the next Dan was waking him up so he could, what? Make him coffee?

"No," Phil groaned. He shouldn't even have to be awake right now, much less covered in soap. He was going to kill Jason.

"Come on!" Dan whined. "I haven't asked you for coffee in _days_."

"And why can't you make it?"

"You make it better," Dan insisted. "You know that."

"Well I can't make it _now_ ," Phil answered. "I'm covered in soap!”

“You can shower and then make my coffee,” Dan informed. “And then kill Jason.” And with that he flounced out of the room, just expecting Phil to make him coffee. Phil was endlessly confused here, though it seemed like there was nothing he could do about it. And if the Phil from here _did_  regularly make Dan’s coffee, then it would be strange if he didn’t make Dan coffee now. He could only hope that this Dan liked his coffee the same way his Dan did.

Phil sighed, thinking of his Dan. He missed him incredibly, and despite having a different version of him on hand, it just didn’t feel the same. He missed the Dan who he could wake up in the morning with a kiss, or something a little more intense. He missed the Dan who was almost always on the lookout for an opportunity to cuddle, sometimes forgoing subtlety entirely and straight up asking Phil to come cuddle with him on the bed while he scrolled through Tumblr. Phil missed the Dan who would run to the shops with him in the middle of the night, both of them craving chocolate. Phil missed his Dan, who he’d created wonderful memories with. Who he hoped to marry one day. It was comforting, at least, to have another Dan with him while being stuck in some strange universe. But he missed his own Dan. And he needed help.

He showered quickly, his train of thought continuing under the hot water. Thoughts of Dan plagued his mind, and he was almost unable to tear his mind away from him. But he really did need help. He couldn’t do this alone, and he had to get help somewhere. The only viable option, of course, was Dan. The Dan that lived here, anyway. Because why would the universe take care to rip him out of his life and put him right here, where another Dan existed? Either Phil was the center of this whole thing, being the one to get switched, or Dan was. After all, he was kind of on the receiving end of all this.

Feeling slightly better that he had a plan, or at least, the very beginnings of one, Phil began to make his way to the kitchen. He would come clean to Dan. He would tell him all about what had happened, how he wasn’t the Phil everyone thought he was, how this wasn’t his life. And Dan would believe him, and if he didn’t, Phil would make him believe him. And after that…. Well, after that, hopefully they could figure out how to get Phil back home.

Phil switched on the coffee maker, yawning into his fist as he hopped up onto the counter. He swung his legs, letting them bang lightly against the cabinets underneath the counter as he waited for the coffee to be ready.

Davion walked into the kitchen then, humming at the smell of coffee.

“I can’t believe you’re making Dan coffee. Again.”

“Maybe I’m not making him coffee. Maybe I’m going to put something disgusting in it and laugh at him while he drinks it.”

Davion laughed, shaking his head. “You’d never do that and we both know it. Plus, you suck at Prank Week.”

With a sudden clarity, Phil understood why his floor had been covered in soap. “Speaking of Prank Week, where’s Jason?”

“Why?”

“I’m gonna kill him.”

Snickering, Davion opened the fridge and starting fishing out random ingredients. He turned the stove on without looking, butter already melting in a pan.

“What’re you making?” Phil asked, sliding off the counter as the coffee maker dinged. He pulled out three mugs, preparing his and Dan’s as he usually would.

“Omelettes.”

“And… Er, how do you take your coffee again?”

“It’s like you only bother to remember how Dan likes it,” Davion scoffed, before, “Lots of sugar. No milk.”

Minutes later Dan was popping into the doorway, his makeup already done despite the early hour. His pink lipstick matched his pink nails, and his eyes were vibrant with eyeliner and mascara.

“Coffee?” Dan said hopefully, breathing deeply and then making his way to the coffee cups without waiting for an answer. He picked up his mug without hesitation, assuring Phil that he’d made it correctly.

“Mmm,” Dan hummed, his eyes falling shut in appreciation. “You truly do make the best coffee.”

“Omelette, Dan?”

“Half.”

Phil hopped back onto the counter to enjoy his coffee, while Dan slid into a seat, his hands wrapped firmly around the mug. Phil wondered if he could just tell him right now. And Davion too. After all, he was one of Phil’s best friends, or he was in this universe, at least. What would they do if Phil were to just say it? Say that he really didn’t know much of anything about them or their lives or his own life, because he wasn’t from here? Would Dan spit out his coffee? Would Davion drop his spatula? Would either of them even believe him?

No, Phil couldn’t say anything right now. It’d be better to wait. He would tell Dan alone, and he would do whatever it took to make sure Dan believed him. He knew he could trust Dan, anyway. After all, Dan was Dan. It didn’t matter that he was located somewhere else, in some other universe. It was still Dan deep down, still the same core. And Phil knew that he could depend on Dan to help him. He just had to get Dan to believe him first.

“Hey! No coffee for me?” Jason said, walking into the room and pouting. He was staring at the empty stretch of counter, where the three cups had previously been located.

“Next time don’t prank the coffee maker,” Davion advised, before handing his mug to Jason behind his back, still busy attending to the breakfast. Jason snatched it and took a sip, before grimacing.

“Way too much sugar.”

“Make your own coffee then,” Davion said, finally turning around and plucking his mug out of Jason’s grasp. Jason sulked as he walked over to the coffee maker, sullenly turning it on.

“This sucks,” he complained. “My coffee’s never as good as Phil’s.”

Phil watched as he made his first grave mistake, putting only one cup of coffee grounds into the machine. Everyone knew it was better with more! Or at least, Phil did anyway.

“Clean the soap off my floor and I’ll make you your coffee,” Phil offered.

“Deal!” Jason exclaimed, with barely enough time for the word to make it out of his mouth before he was bolting out of the room, presumably to go clean Phil’s.

—

Phil stood in front of Dan’s door, debating.

It’d been a relaxing day, all of them simply hanging around the house and forgoing any real responsibilities. Phil had taken the opportunity to google their band, Rising Moon. It was incredibly disconcerting to see pictures of himself that he knew didn’t exist where he was from. There were pictures of him with Dan and Davion and Jason, professional ones taken for magazines, and funny ones that they’d posted online. There were pictures of their concerts, of Dan and Phil singing, and Jason playing the drums, Davion the guitar. There were pictures with words over them, a lot of them centered around Dan and Phil and their apparent love/hate friendship. And there were plenty telling Dan to stay strong.

Ripping himself out of that simultaneously entertaining and terrifying rabbit hole had been hard, but actually forcing himself to go to Dan’s room was even harder. He stood there now, trying to convince himself to knock. After all, in just a few minutes the truth could be out there. In just a few minutes Phil could stop feeling so alone, could have someone on his side who understood, who would be willing to help.

Of course, in a few minutes he could also be standing across from a Dan who was staring at him in bewilderment, or asking him if he was on drugs. He could be getting yelled at by Dan. He could be getting kicked out by Dan, or checked into a mental institute because of him.

No, that wouldn’t happen, Phil tried to tell himself. He was just psyching himself out. Everything would be okay. Dan would believe him.

Phil held his breath and knocked.

“Uh—who is it?”

“It’s Phil.”

“What do you want?” Dan called, sounding slightly annoyed.

“I need to talk to you.” Phil answered through the door.

“Can’t it wait?”

“Not really.”

Dan groaned, before saying, “Gimme a minute.”

Phil stood outside the door, listening to the various shuffling from inside the room, before the door opened. Dan stood in the crack of the door wearing an overlarge sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. His face was flushed and his hair was mussed, and he raised his eyebrow at Phil.

“Well? What do you want?”

“Can I come in?” Phil asked. After all, this wasn’t the sort of thing you talked about in the middle of the hallway.

Dan pursed his lip, turning slightly to look around his room. “Yeah, I guess,” he finally answered, before opening the door wider.

Phil slipped inside Dan’s room for the second time in the last two nights, closing the door behind him. He sat down on Dan’s bed, waiting expectantly for Dan to join him.

“What’s going on?” Dan asked, sitting across from Phil, who was leaning against the wall.

“There’s something you have to know.”

Dan continued to stare at Phil, before waving at him like, _Go on_.

“A few days ago, you know, when we went to record for the album?” Dan nodded. “Well, that was the first day I’ve ever been… here.”

“My room?”

“No, _here_. In this band, as this person. In this _universe_.“ Phil explained.

Dan simply stared at him, before, “Are you on drugs?”

“What? Dan— no! No!”

“Howell,” Dan corrected with an eye roll.

“ _No_. You’re Dan, I’ve always called you Dan. We’re dating, where I’m from.”

“Lester, you’re so full of shit! I’m not gay, and I’m not stupid. I’m not gonna fall for this. And you suck at pranks.”

“This isn’t a prank!” Phil insisted. “And you are gay! And—and you love to get fingered! I bet you we’re doing it right now, before I came in,” Phil said smugly.

Dan blushed vibrantly, stuttering out an answer. “What? I—no I wasn’t! I’ve… I’ve never done that!”

Phil scoffed. “Yes you have. You’ve been doing it since you were fifteen.”

Dan looked beyond embarrassed, and he was shaking his head, his eyes wide. “You didn’t even know me then. You’re making that up!”

“Dan,” Phil said seriously, scooting closer to the other man. “I’m not kidding. I’m not from here. I woke up here and was beyond confused. I still am.”

Dan looked hesitant and like he wanted to believe Phil. “Why should I believe anything you say? You’re really freaking me out Lester.”

“Phil,” Phil corrected, scooting even closer to Dan. He rested his hands on Dan’s knees.

“I can prove it to you. I know all kinds of things about you that the Phil you know probably doesn’t.”

“Like what?” Dan asked, looking suspicious.

Phil lifted his hands, instead using them to shove Dan backwards, so that he was splayed out over the bed, his head resting on the pillows. “I know that you have a freckle right here,” Phil said, placing his finger over said freckle. It was in the inside of his hip, right next to his hip bone, currently hidden by his pajama bottoms. Dan’s mouth had fallen open, and he glanced down to where Phil was touching him before nodding slowly.

“I know you started fingering yourself at fifteen,” Phil said with a smirk.

“I didn’t—”

“And you found out your nipples were sensitive right around the same time,” Phil added, before slipping his hand under Dan’s sweatshirt. He ignored how thin Dan was, how he could feel Dan’s ribs, and rubbed his thumb over the other boy’s nipple, smiling as his eyes flickered closed, just as the Dan he knew always did.

“I can’t help wondering when our timelines split up,” Phil pondered. “See, things from our childhoods were the same up until one point, where my Dan and I became YouTubers, and you guys became a band.”

“This just doesn’t make any sense,” Dan muttered breathlessly, thanks to the fact that Phil was still playing with his nipple.

“Let’s see…” Phil hummed. “Did the timeline split before or after you first watched gay porn?”

Dan blushed even more than he already was, and Phil took that as a yes. Dan had been sixteen at the time, so if Phil could just narrow it down…

“What about when you bought your first dildo? And you said that you thought the guy at the register was checking you out?”

Dan groaned, throwing his hands up over his face. “You shouldn’t know this stuff,” he complained.

Phil ran his hand back down Dan’s stomach, until it was resting lightly over his bulge. He touched Dan softly, just barely touching him at all. He was staring at Dan intently, who was still hiding, now with his arm thrown over his face. Phil could see his chest rising and falling, getting faster with his arousal.

“I know so much about you,” Phil said. Dan raised his hips, just the smallest amount, but it was enough for Phil to notice, and he grinned. He suddenly squeezed his hand before palming Dan, who let out a surprised sounding squeak and pressed up into him again.

“I know about your past. I know what you like.” As he said this, Phil slipped his hand into Dan’s pants and wanked him properly, but only for a few moments, because Dan was finally pulling his hands away from his face and shoving his pants down. And then he spread his legs, and Phil was reaching lower, as he was used to doing, and slipped his fingers inside Dan, already slick and stretched. And Phil had called it, had known exactly what Dan had been doing before he’d come in.

“And I know you’re a virgin. Because you hadn’t had sex until you met me, in my universe at least. And I know that this is the first time anyone’s touched you at all. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Dan nodded fervently, gasping when Phil expertly pressed his fingers against his prostate.

“C-Clothes?” Dan questioned, nodding towards Phil. Phil took the hint and yanked off his clothes, until he was wearing nothing and Dan was wearing nothing besides a baggy sweatshirt.

“Are you gonna fuck me?” Dan asked, his hand sneaking down towards his erection as he spoke. Phil grabbed it and laced their fingers together, grinning at Dan when he frowned.

“I don’t know. Don’t you want to wait for the Phil you know? For your first time?”

“I don’t even know if he likes me,” Dan admitted.

“Trust me, if he’s with my Dan, then he likes you,” Phil laughed.

“If he’s with your Dan, then he’s probably already fucked him. And now it’s my turn,” Dan insisted. Phil couldn’t argue with that, and he took the lube Dan offered him, slathering it over his cock.

“Ready?” Phil said softly, leaning over Dan. He was caressing his thigh lightly, and Dan’s eyes fluttered as he nodded.

“So ready. God you’re hot.”

Phil smirked. “Oh?”

“Shut up,” Dan muttered, shaking his hand out of Phil’s grasp and reaching for his cock again. Phil stopped him once more and lined himself up.

“You won’t be needing to do that,” Phil said. “You never do.” And then he pushed inwards slowly.

Dan clung to him as he did, and once he was all the way in, Dan’s body relaxed.

“Full,” Dan panted.

“I know,” Phil murmured. “Tell me when it stops hurting.”

Dan nodded and closed his eyes. A few moments later, he seemed to be testing to see if he was still in pain, as he squeezed around Phil experimentally, who accidentally jerked forward.

“Sorry,” Phil gasped. Dan was so hot and tight around him, it seemed impossible that he had managed to stay still this long. After all, he hadn’t had sex with a virgin since that first time with Dan, and a lot of the time it was hard and fast now. Though of course, sometimes they did it slow just for fun. They’re bodies sliding along each other relaxedly, Phil sinking into Dan so slowly that Dan would whine with impatience.

“It’s okay,” Dan whispered. “Keep going.”

And so Phil did. He pulled out slowly and pushed in again, making sure to line himself up with Dan’s prostate. Dan jerked underneath him when he hit it, his hand flying up to grip at Phil’s upper arm, needing something to hold onto.

“Oh,” Dan gasped. “That’s—that’s good. Do that again.”

Phil did it again, and again. He reveled in the gasps and moans Dan emitted each time he fucked into him, slowly but surely. They were both covered in a film of sweat, and Dan’s sweatshirt had gotten shucked up to his chin.

“Can you maybe go faster?” Dan asked, and Phil complied. He sped up, making Dan jerk underneath him slightly with each thrust. Dan was breathing heavily now, and he was holding onto Phil’s arm tightly.

“Oh God, Le—Phil. So good, oh god.”

Phil ducked down and sucked on Dan’s neck, already knowing that he would love it. And he did. He thrusted onto Phil while Phil sucked and licked and bit at his neck, effectively fucking himself on Phil’s cock. And then Phil kissed him, and Dan moaned directly into his mouth, their breaths tangling between them.

“Phil, I think I’m gonna come,” Dan gasped, his head thrown back on the pillows.

Phil, knowing what he did, pulled out the big guns. “Good boy, Dan,” he whispered directly into Dan’s ear. “Being such a good boy for me, you feel so good.”

Dan let out a strangled gasp, before he moaned, and his body jerked and tightened sporadically around Phil, who continued to fuck him through his orgasm. And then he was coming too, holding Dan close and kissing his neck as he did, pleasure thrumming through his veins and thundering in his heart.

They collapsed onto the bed after that, panting into each other’s mouths, and Phil pulled carefully out of Dan.

“You okay?” he asked breathlessly, and Dan nodded. They used a discarded pair of boxers to clean up (Phil was too tired to notice who’s) and continued to lay there, warm and sated. Dan tugged his sweatshirt back down to his thighs, and Phil tugged him closer, so that he was practically laying face down on Phil’s chest.

“I’m gonna nap,” Dan muttered, before closing his eyes and falling asleep on Phil’s chest. Phil laughed softly, threading his fingers through Dan’s hair. It felt the same, at least. And sure, this wasn’t Dan Howell, famous YouTuber and boyfriend of Phil Lester, but this _was_  Dan Howell. It was still him. He just lived somewhere else, and soon he would be Phil Lester’s boyfriend as well. As soon as both Phils were back where they belonged.

—

Phil woke slowly, his fingers touching the hard edge of something underneath his head. He touched the object carefully, before pulling it out from under him. He glanced around the room, dark with the soft, early-morning light, and Dan, still sleeping on his chest. And then he looked back to what he was holding.

It was a journal.

Feeling guilty beyond belief, but unable to help himself, Phil opened it up. A majority of the pages were filled, and he flicked past many of them, trying to find the latest entry.

It was troubling, seeing the inside of Dan’s journal. Phil felt sick to his stomach when he came across a spread of pages specifically for counting calories. Dan had put smiley faces next to the days where he’d eaten as little as 100 calories, and frowny ones next to any that exceeded 400. It came to a point where his calorie count became much more normal and stabilized, and there was a side note that his bandmates had found out and were forcing him to eat. There were big black lines crossed over many of the more recent dates, and tiny notes squeezed in everywhere, telling himself where he went wrong each day. Telling himself what he could’ve done to trick everyone and avoid a meal, what he could’ve picked off his meal to diminish the calories, what he could’ve done to get out of them. Phil’s heart hurt reading over these pages, and he could only take so much of it before moving past them.

Surprisingly, Phil came across many entries where he was mentioned. Saying what annoying thing he had done that day, or saying that his crop tops were getting shorter and shorter and it was inappropriate and that Phil should put that gorgeous pale stomach away (Dan’s words, not his). Phil almost couldn’t help chuckling as he read these entries. There were usually a line or two about what ridiculous food he’d been forced to eat that day, and even more about the sideways look Phil had given him, or the odd way he’d touched his arm as he’d walked by.

Phil flicked through random entries, getting closer and closer to the latest one.

_I’m pretty sure I ran into Phil last night? I went downstairs for water and he was in the kitchen. And I can’t remember coming back upstairs because I think I fell asleep. But when I woke up I was back in bed and there was water by my side. I think he’s up to something._

Phil chuckled softly. He then flicked to the most recent one, and began to read.

 _I don’t think I can do this anymore. And I don’t think it’s a big deal either, I don’t know why everyone does. And it’s my decision too, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t do it. Plus, it’s not like Rising Moon can’t get on without me. Phil’s a singer, so it’s not like they’re desperately in need of another one. And I’m sure he can learn to play the piano too. Maybe I’ll teach him a little bit before, just in case. Anyway, I’m probably not going to do it until after the concert anyway. I have to give Phil time to learn how to play, don’t I? But then again, maybe I_ should _do it before. I’m just so sick of everything, and I’m not sure I can take it anymore. At least when I wasn’t eating I was in control of that. Now I’m not in control of anything._

Phil’s heart was pounding. His hands were shaking. What had he just read? And it didn’t sound like Dan was just contemplating quitting the band, either. He couldn’t let Dan do this. He had to help Dan. He had to tell someone, had to do something—

“Sad, huh?” Dan muttered croakily from Phil’s chest, and he gasped, not realizing Dan had woken up. Dan was glaring at him, and he sat up, scooting away from Phil. “Kind of funny too, when you think about it. How you guys trying to help me is what finally pushed me over the edge.”

“Dan…” Phil said, sitting up and scooting towards Dan. It was then that he realized that there were tears in Dan’s eyes, and that he was shaking. “It’s not too late. We can get you help, I promise.”

“What if I don’t want help?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Phil answered. “You’re getting it. Because Davion, Jason, and I—we love you. We won’t let you do this, Dan. You’re too important.”

“You’re just saying things,” Dan scoffed. “You’re not even _Phil_. You don’t know Davion and Jason. Or the Phil that I know, for that matter.”

“Maybe I don’t know them as well as you, but I _do_  know them. And I know that they wouldn’t want you to do this. And Phil, he definitely wouldn’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you. How couldn’t he be?”

There were tears rolling down Dan’s cheeks, and he swiped them away angrily. “You can’t stop me,” he said fiercely, all the while looking like he wanted someone to be there to stop him.

“I can,” Phil insisted. “And I will. And so will the other Phil, and so will Davion and Jason. You’re going to be okay. We’re going to make damned sure you will be.”

Dan sighed. “We’ll have to tell Davion and Jason, you know. That you’re not the real Phil.”

“I know,” Phil said, dreading the coming conversation.

“They’ll think it’s a prank.”

“I know,” Phil repeated. And then he wrapped his arms around Dan and tugged him down on the bed. Their bodies were intertwined, and Dan’s head was pressed against Phil’s chest. Phil tangled his hand in Dan’s hair, vowing to help him.

“I can hear your heartbeat,” Dan whispered. Phil hugged him tighter.


	8. Chapter 8

Phil woke up to screaming. High pitched, mechanical screaming. It took him a second to realize it was the fire alarm.

“Dan!” he gasped, sitting up in bed. Dan jolted awake, his eyes wide in confusion and surprise. “Fire alarm! Let’s go!”

Dan nodded, looking like he was trying to clear the sleep out of his mind, and they both scrambled out of bed, grabbing whatever clothes they could on the way. Dan ended up in a t-shirt and boxers, while Phil managed to snag only a pair of pajama pants. They stumbled through their apartment, going down the many stairs (they’d somehow ended up holding hands) slipping and catching themselves on the way. Other residents were flooding the stairwell as well, and soon they were all pouring out of the building and into the parking lot and streets beyond.

“I wonder who started it,” Dan murmured, staring around at the other residents, probably searching for the guilty-looking culprit.

Smoke was pouring forth from the top of the building, filling the air with a thick, black smoke. It smelled putrid and hurt Phil’s nose, despite him not even being in the thick of it. He could hear ambulances off in the distance, their sirens growing louder as they got closer.

Phil shivered with the cool night breeze, which was kind of ridiculous, seeing as he could wait a few more minutes and the burning apartment would warm him. He and Dan huddled closer together as they watched the ambulances barrel into the parking lot. They took action immediately, firefighters pouring out of it, a ladder extending from the top, a hose being hooked up. Thankfully, the fire was still contained to just one apartment, so it looked like they’d all be able to go back inside soon.

Dan leaned against Phil as they watched, and Phil rested his head against Dan’s.

“Let’s play a game,” Dan suggested.

“Like what?”

“Like a get to know each other game,” Dan said. “Since I don’t actually know you that well after all.”

“Okay, you go first.”

Dan hummed, thinking, before asking, “What’s your biggest fear?”

Phil laughed. “I have horrible stage fright, every time I get up there I’m afraid I’m going to mess up. And you?”

“The dark.”

“I think that’s my Dan’s biggest fear too. Or one of them, maybe.”

“Well my Phil hates the ocean. He’ll only ever go in up to his calves, no matter how I try to persuade him.”

There was a pause, and then, “How did you guys end up YouTubers, anyway? And not musicians?”

“I made videos because of Phil, and he made them because there was a camera in his cereal box.”

“Really? What kind of cereal?”

“Shreddies.”

“Oh man, I hate those!”

 _“What?”_  Dan exclaimed, turning to face Phil, despite their heads already being pressed together.

“Yeah. I mean, it tastes okay, but it always leaves the roof of my mouth aching.”

“Are you telling me that our lives are so different because my Phil likes a cereal that you don’t?”

Phil giggled. “I guess so.”

They continued on as such, each of them learning things about the other, things that weren’t necessarily true for their counterparts. And before they knew it, they were drifting off to sleep, despite the shouts of the firefighters and the steady murmuring of all the other residents sitting in the parking lot.

—

“Oh my god, is that really—?”

“It can’t _actually_  be them, can it?”

“I think it is.”

“By why are they out here?”

Phil groaned, opening his eyes and blinking sleepily. There was a small crowd of people around him, and he rubbed at his eyes as he tried to get his bearings. There was a warm weight pressed against his side, which emitted a whine as Phil tried to sit up straight.

“Phil?” a girl said tentatively, stepping forward.

Suddenly, Phil remembered where he was. /Who/ he was. Or he was supposed to be in this universe, anyway. He was outside his apartment, now devoid of everyone but them (how kind of all their neighbors to just let them sleep out there instead of waking them up), and his and Dan’s relationship was supposed to be a secret. And moments before, they’d been leaning against each other and sleeping, which these fans were likely not going to take as something two platonic friends would do.

“Wha—?” Dan mumbled, before sitting up and yawning.

“Dan and Phil?” another girl said, looking excited and almost scary. She was clutching her phone tightly in her hand, and Phil couldn’t help wondering if she’d taken pictures of the two of them sleeping on the sidewalk. It would be sure to find it’s way to the internet, if she did.

“Oh, fuck,” Dan muttered, realizing what was happening. He swallowed a few times, before finally speaking. “Um, hi.”

“What’re you guys doing out here?” the first girl asked, smiling broadly.

“Well, our apartment was on fire,” Phil said. “But now it’s not anymore, so we’re just going to…”

“Oh, but can we get your picture?”

Dan and Phil shared a look, both of them simultaneously taking in each other’s appearances. Phil without a shirt, and Dan in nothing besides a t-shirt and boxers. “Er…”

“I’m really sorry, maybe another time?” Dan said, and the group of fans nodded solemnly, thankfully not protesting. Dan and Phil immediately retreated, returning to their apartment.

“Oh god,” Dan said weakly, as they climbed up one set of many stairs.

“It’s not that bad, I’m sure everything’ll be okay,” Phil assured, trying not to think of how soon the internet would be plastered with pictures of them cuddling. It wasn’t like Phil had a problem with it, though he knew that the Dan and Phil of this universe kept their dating a secret.

"Maybe this doesn't seem like much of a big deal to you, but when Phil gets back, we're gonna be dealing with the aftermath of this forever," Dan sighed.

"Aftermath?"

"I mean, pictures of that'll be all over tumblr, and every one'll be speculating again..."

"Well they're right, aren't they?" Phil asked. He walked slowly down the hall, and Dan followed at a slightly subdued pace.

"That doesn't mean we want them to know that."

"Why not? Why can't you just let them know?" Phil asked, turning around to look at Dan, who stopped in surprise.

"There's plenty of reasons," he mumbled.

"And are any of them bigger than how good it would feel to just be yourself? To be able to actually hold hands in public without being terrified? To be able to not be so paranoid all the time?"

"You sounds just like him," Dan laughed, shaking his head.

"Like who?"

"My Phil. He makes points like that all the time. It's only thanks to me that we haven't told everyone yet. I'm... scared," Dan admitted.

"By all means, keep it a secret if doing so makes you feel that much better, but just know that not much would change if you did come out. Everyone would still support you. Phil would be excited."

Dan hummed in agreement. "You're right. It's just-- some people obviously wouldn't approve. And what would happen if we ever broke up? Everyone would know, and it'd be horrible."

"Do you honestly think that you two will ever break up? After the universe did all this to make sure me and my Dan end up together?"

Dan laughed. "Maybe I am just a total wimp.”

—

Phil clutched his head, a throbbing pain located towards the front of his head keeping him from concentrating. It was almost all he could think about, and even moving hurt. _Thinking_  about moving hurt.

Fighting against every instinct in his body begging him to continue laying down, Phil crawled out of bed, moaning in protest as the pain in his head decided to hurt more as a rebuttal. He shuffled down the hallway and towards the kitchen, one thing on his mind. Pain killers.

When riffling through the kitchen cupboards failed to reveal anything, however, he began to despair. His head was going to split open it was hurting so much, it was going to explode and his brain would be scattered all over the kitchen, left for Dan to clean up.

Dan. That’s right, Phil wasn’t alone. He could get Dan to help him, help him diminish this pain in some way. Phil took a step towards the kitchen door, surprised to find himself stumbling. He struck out blindly, his hand coming in contact with the refrigerator’s door handle, which he latched onto. He pulled himself back firmly upright, and rested his forehead against the cool metal. He just needed a few moments to pull himself together.

 _I’m okay,_  he thought desperately. _I’ve just… inhaled too much smoke. Which was clearly not good for me, and now my head is trying to shrivel up into a ball and kill me, which is understandable. I’m okay._

Or he would be okay, anyway. As soon as he found Dan. And Dan would give him… something. Phil couldn’t remember. Couldn’t think past this pain. All he knew was that he needed to leave the kitchen and find something. No, someone.

Phil opened his eyes, the dull light of the room making them burn, and stared blearily at the metal directly in front of his face. His forehead was cool. It was probably pressed up against the metal.

For some reason, Phil felt like there was something he was supposed to be doing. He couldn’t figure it out, however. There was something else, something horrible in his head. Like a horrid banging, a throbbing, like his brain itself was trying to rip itself out of his head, was knocking incessantly against his eyes in an attempt to escape. And that’s why his eyes hurt so much.

Or was it because of the light?

Phil groaned, which immediately made itself apparent as a horrible idea. The sound reverberated off of something directly in front of him and clashed and clanged loudly in his ears. That was it, no more noise. Ever.

“Phil? Are you alright?” someone said. Dan!

Phil needed Dan’s help, he was sure! But he couldn’t respond, responding meant creating even more noise, which was a bad idea. Plus, Phil wasn’t sure that he could move his tongue. He was at least half sure that someone had glued it to the bottom of his mouth. He was almost as sure that someone was repeatedly bringing a hammer to his head, but he couldn’t actually open his eyes to find out, as they hurt too much.

“What’s going on? Phil?” Dan said, and Phil could hear his thunderous footsteps approaching him. His hand touched Phil’s back soothingly, except that it wasn’t soothing at all, because Dan’s hand was lava, and it was burning his skin. Phil whined pitifully, wishing that Dan would stop touching him, despite his genuine intentions. And then he was wishing that he hadn’t made that noise, because now his back was on fire and his ears were full of drums. Everything hurt.

“Ph… il?” someone said, very slowly. Distorted. Their voice was foreign, like they were underwater. Phil couldn’t see how they could possibly be underwater, however, not when he was on fire. And especially not when he was trapped inside a washing machine. Because, the only explanation for how the world was spinning was that he was trapped inside a washing machine. Or perhaps a dryer, which would at least explain the heat. Mostly everything was hot, anyway. His forehead was quite cool.

Until it stopped being cool. In fact, Phil could feel that his forehead was no longer touching anything at all. He was falling through darkness, actually, farther and father, and the bottom was soft, but it burned him.

—

It was nice to be away from the pain, to be able to think again. The only problem was that the world was still spinning, quite fast, Phil was sure. Although now he was also sure that he wasn’t actually trapped inside a washing machine.

He wrenched his eyes open, having to blink repeatedly. The world was full of colors, blurry and rushing past him, and he tried hard to concentrate, to see what was going on.

He felt like he was in a glass room, observing but not touching, not anywhere near. But he could hear perfectly, could hear hundreds of thousands of voices, most of which sounded like his and Dan’s. He squinted in front of him, trying to discern what he was seeing.

“You’re sick,” Dan scoffed, his voice sounding like an echo.

“I hadn’t noticed,” Phil answered dryly. Dan gasped, his eyes bulging.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry… I forgot.”

Phil blinked, and it was gone. He looked somewhere else, some-world else.

There was a little boy with giant brown curls, running away from a slightly older little boy.

“I’m gonna get you Dan!” Phil called, and Dan giggled in response.

“You won’t!” he taunted, before scrambling up a tree. Phil followed without hesitation.

Phil got the distinct feeling that he was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be, but he couldn’t help it. He also couldn’t help his curiosity, and he looked this way and that, trying to absorb as much as he could. After all, he was almost certain that these were his alternate lives, all of them with Dan.

“I can’t lose you,” one Phil was saying, holding Dan close, tears dripping down both of their cheeks.

“You won’t,” Dan responded, a gentle smile tugging on his lips. He looked exhausted though, and like he was in pain. “As long as you don’t forget me, that is,” he laughed. And Phil laughed too, although it sounded more like a sob.

Phil turned away, not enjoying that world at all. Another one arose.

He saw the two of them as kids again, this time fighting at the top of a tall tower. Phil pushed Dan towards the edge, and Dan gasped and struggled and fought until he was sitting on top of Phil’s chest, Phil’s head dangerously close to the edge.

“Howell! Get off that boy _immediately_!” an adult screamed, appearing at the other end of the tower. The two boys froze in shock, and Dan scrambled backwards. And then the scene changed.

Phil watched as the two of them walked down an aisle together. And he watched again as only one of them walked down an aisle, a coffin at the end. He watched as they swam in the ocean, as they made love in a bath, as they met for the very first time in a library, as they shared their very first kiss in a treehouse.

He rubbed his eyes, focusing on another scene.

Dan was walking, holding onto Phil’s elbow, his eyes void and staring into the distance. His other hand held a walking stick, which he tapped on the ground in front of him as they walked. He appeared to be blind.

“I was thinking that maybe we should get a cat,” Phil suggested, and Dan laughed, reaching over with his walking stick and smacking Phil lightly on the shin.

“You’re allergic!” he protested. “And I don’t know if Suki would like that very much. _And_  we’ve only just moved in together. We barely even have any furniture.”

“She would love Winston!” Phil argued, ignoring everything else Dan had said.

“You’ve named him already?”

“I’ve picked him out already, actually.”

“What if I accidentally step on him? I can’t see, you know.”

“He’ll learn to avoid your bumbling feet.”

Dan laughed and pressed a kiss onto Phil’s cheek. “I’ll think about it.”

Phil felt dizzy with all the information, all the worlds. But he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing here. He felt as if he wasn’t in control at all, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to wake back up.

Suddenly, Phil spotted something a little too familiar, and he concentrated on it.

“Davion,” Dan said, sounding exasperated. He was standing next to Phil, who looked nervous.

“I admit that it was a good prank, seeing as you two have never even _considered_  teaming up for one before, but you’re idiots if you actually expect me to believe you.”

Dan groaned, looking at Phil.

“We can prove it to you,” Phil said quickly, looking back at Davion.

“Which part? The alternate universe? Or the you two getting along part?”

“Oh, we get along very well now,” Phil smirked, looking over at Dan, who glared immediately.

“No.”

Phil tried to keep hold of the image, interested in what was happening, seeing as it was _his_  universe, and that they were actually coming close to being on the same page as him and his Dan, but it was hard. It felt like the image was covered in oil, and he was trying his best to continue holding onto it. Phil concentrated on nothing but the world that he was supposed to be in, determined to find out if he and Dan would actually accomplish anything, or figure out how to set things right again.

—

“Phil!” Dan shouted, as Phil started to lean backwards, more and more, without stopping. He reached out for him, stumbling backwards with Phil’s full weight rested against his body, and sank to the ground with him. Phil was cushioned in his lap, and Dan drew his fingers through his hair worriedly, brushing through the strands and trying to tamper down his panic slightly.

He wasn’t sure whether he should call an ambulance, whether this was a real problem or just some sort of universe problem. Surely, the two Phil’s couldn’t switch back to where they belonged in the blink of an eye. Perhaps this whole spectacle was just that? The universe righting itself again?

But Dan would feel absolutely horrible if something really was wrong with Phil, if he didn’t get him the help he needed. And what if none of this was even real, anyway? What if everything that Phil had said had just been in his head the whole time, some big sickness or confusion leading up to this, to Phil collapsing? What if it was thanks to Dan that Phil was even in this situation, for believing some fever-cooked delusion in the first place?

Dan shook his head, not sure what to believe anymore. Anxiety clawed at his stomach, tearing him in two different directions, as uncertainty berated him. What to do? What to believe?

Biting his lip, Dan decided to give Phil just five minutes. If he wasn’t awake in five minutes, then Dan would call an ambulance, would get help. Would explain exactly what was happening with Phil, or whatever Phil had been so convinced was happening.

“Phil! Wake up Phil!” Dan pleaded, still stroking through his hair. _Please wake up._


	9. Chapter 9

Phil woke feeling distinctly uncomfortable, his entire arm having gone numb. All he could feel was an annoying array of pins and needles, starting in his finger tips and trailing all the way up to his shoulder, becoming more annoying with time. He pried his eyes open, unsurprised to find Dan lying mostly on top of him, his face pressed into Phil’s shoulder. His sweatshirt had rucked up slightly during the night, and Phil had a good view of his butt.

He slipped his hand under Dan’s sweatshirt, rubbing his back lightly. Dan’s skin was warm and soft, just the way it always felt with his Dan back home. Phil’s favorite thing to do in the mornings was to cuddle with Dan, even when he was still sleeping. Of course, he also liked to wake Dan up in less conventional ways…

“Dan,” Phil whispered, deciding to wake him in in one of the ways that was conventional. After all, this wasn’t really his Dan, and he had no clue whether his actions would be appreciated or not.

Phil threaded his fingers through Dan’s hair, gently brushing the curls away from Dan’s face. His other hand was still stroking Dan’s back, his nails lightly scratching over the skin in a way he knew would feel good.

“Dan, wake up,” he said softly. Dan mumbled something in response, his words lost into Phil’s shirt.

Finally, Dan pried open an eye and looked at Phil. His eyes were blurry with sleep and confusion for a few moments, before he seemed to remember where he was, and why Phil was with him. Dan blushed, and Phil smirked at the sight of it.

“What?” Dan groaned, plopping his face back into Phil’s shoulder.

“We should go downstairs. See if we can explain what’s going on to Davion and Jason,” Phil said, and Dan hummed, his face still pressed against Phil.

“Or, we can not do that and just continue to lay here for a while,” Dan said.

“I’ll make you coffee,” Phil offered.

“Fine,” Dan relented, before stumbling out of the bed to get dressed, not even bothering to put on his makeup. Phil followed behind him, dressing in yesterday’s clothes and heading down the stairs.

They walked in companionable silence to the kitchen, where they stumbled across Jason sitting at the counter. He was tapping his cheek with the end of a pencil, bent over a notebook on the table. Jason glanced up as they walked into the kitchen, and he smiled.

“Hey guys! Do either of you have a good rhyme for rock?”

Phil came to a stop, confused, but Dan just tilted his head up, pondering.

“Cock,” he said.

“No,” Jason answered.

“Clock. Mock. Sock. Chicken pox. Block.”

“Chalk. Lock.” Phil added.

“Hmm,” Jason hummed, accidentally hitting his eye with the end of the pencil. “You’re like my rock, please give me a sock?”

Phil’s mouth gaped, and he looked at Dan in surprise.

“No,” Dan said in response to Jason.

“You’re like my rock, I want to draw you with chalk?”

“You know, there’s a reason you don’t write very many lyrics,” Dan said, hopping up onto the counter. Phil leaned against it, looking down at Jason’s paper, and cringed.

_Baby it’s thanks to you, and everything that you do._

_Without you I’m a lace-less shoe, you make me wanna shout wahoo!_

_You’re like my rock…_

“We all know that you’re the best at writing lyrics, Dan,” Jason laughed, rolling his eyes. “No need to rub it in that we wouldn’t survive without you.”

Dan paled slightly, but didn’t answer Jason. Instead he snatched up the notebook, his eyes squinting in confusion and dismay at most of the lines.

Suddenly, Jason gasped. “Because of you, I’m love-locked!” he shouted, snatching the notebook out of Dan’s hand and scribbling the line next you _‘you’re like my rock’_. Phil looked at Dan, worried for their future careers, and Dan just shook his head. Apparently, not many of Jason’s lyrics made the cut.

“Where’s Davion?” Phil finally asked, thinking about why they’d come down to the kitchen in the first place.

“I don’t know, but as soon as he comes here, I’m ready for him,” Jason smirked.

“What do you m—” Phil couldn’t even finish his question before Jason pulled a carton of eggs out from under the table, apparently having been resting on Jason’s lap the whole time. He cracked open the carton, revealing not only eggs, but other kinds of foods as well, things such as flour and peanut butter and honey.

“Davion’s going to murder you if you throw any of those things at him,” Dan said easily, raising his eyebrows at Jason, who looked sheepish.

“Oh please, he can’t stay mad at me,” Jason laughed, and Dan simply shook his head.

“When Davion’s done murdering you, can I have your room?” he asked. “It’s bigger.”

Jason rolled his eyes before reaching forward and shoving Dan lightly. He then carefully shut his carton of ammo and replaced it on his lap. “Davion won’t know what’s coming.”

“What’s coming?” a familiar voice said in the doorway.

Jason shrieked, before slamming his carton on the counter and whipping open the lid. He grabbed an egg and spun around, his hand held high in the air, ready to throw the egg at Davion.

“WAIT,” Davion cried, his hands held out in front of him. “Not the eggs! They’re from the farmer’s market!”

Scoffing in exasperation, Jason carefully put down the egg, instead scooping a handful of peanut butter into his hand.

“You’re going down!” he yelled, before flinging the peanut butter at Davion. It hit him squarely on the cheek, some of it splattering onto his square glasses. He pouted.

“I hate food fights,” he sighed, before his expression was practically wiped clean, replaced with one of anger and determination. Phil backed away slightly, attempting to stay out of his way.

“You’ll never know this kitchen as well as I do, Jason!” he yelled, before diving into the pantry and reemerging seconds later. His sweatshirt pockets were stuffed with food, and he was holding a bucket in his hand. Jason took the opportunity to throw a handful of cheerios at Davion, already prepared in his egg carton and covered in honey. They stuck to Davion where they landed, and Davion glared before ducking beneath the counter and scampering towards the sink.

“If either of you gets food on me, I’ll kill you,” Dan threatened. Jason raised an eyebrow at Dan, before carefully leaning forward with his still peanut butter-y hand, and very deliberately, swiped his finger down Dan’s cheek.

“That’s it,” Dan said. “You’re dead.” And then he leaped off the counter and barged into the pantry. Davion, meanwhile, had opened the lid of the bucket, revealing that it contained flour. He shoved his hand into the flour, before turning on the sink and putting his handful of flour under the water. It instantly turned into a goopy, sticky mess, and he smirked at Jason evilly, before launching it at his face.

Not wanting to get caught in the crosshairs, Phil attempted to retreat. It was as he was sneaking out of the kitchen, however, that something smacked against the back of his head, dripping down his neck, cold and slimy.

“NOT MY EGGS!” Davion shouted, and Phil spun around to glare at the perpetrator. Dan was busy looking innocent over by the fridge, and Phil charged him.

Dan giggled and spun away, ducking behind Davion and grabbing a handful of flour, which he threw into Phil’s face. Phil also grabbed a handful before he jumped around Davion and charged Dan. He trapped him against a counter and shoved the flour down his shirt, before rubbing the excess into Dan’s hair.

“You asshole!” Dan spluttered, before leaping at Phil and knocking them both to the ground. He sat on Phil’s chest and grabbed something random off the counter. Food was still flying through the air, and Jason and Davion were shouting loudly. Phil focused on Dan again, just in time to see him spray whipped cream onto Phil’s shirt, right where his nipples were. And then Dan sprayed it on his face, in an imitation of a wide smile.

The kitchen was full of yelling and laughing and food flying everywhere, and it was over almost as soon as it began, with everyone panting and giggling and picking food out of their hair.

“Who’s gonna clean this?” Davion muttered, and everyone instantly touched their noses with their fingers, unwilling to do any of the work to clean the mess they’d just made.

—

Dan and Phil ended up deciding to wait a while to explain to their band members about Phil’s situation. After all, they couldn’t have done it after their food fight, when everyone was covered in food and the kitchen was a disaster. Instead everyone had gone off to take showers and get changed.

Phil was inexplicably worried, pacing in his room obsessively. He was afraid that Davion and Jason wouldn’t believe him, that he wouldn’t be able to convince them of the truth. And if they refused to believe him, then he’d have even less help getting out of here. It wasn’t like he and Dan had any grand plans to get him back to his proper universe either. It was more of a kind of situation where they wanted everyone to know for the moral support, not necessarily the genius plans. More than not, they were just hoping that the universe righted itself out for them.

Phil rubbed his forehead in an attempt to relieve an ache that’d started to form in response to his stress as he continued to pace. He knew that he would feel at least marginally better if he were with Dan, who was already in on this with him, and was also the one person that he wanted to see more than anyone else. Of course, he wanted to see his own version of Dan, but this one came close enough.

Sighing, Phil stepped out of his room and stared down the hallway, trying to make up his mind. Or more actually, trying to force himself to go and round everyone up so he could finally explain. It was as he was walking towards the staircase that he ran into Dan, who he smiled at.

“It’s still weird to see you being nice to me,” Dan commented, and Phil laughed.

“Imagine what it was like for me, waking up here, my boyfriend suddenly an asshole…”

“I’m not an asshole!” Dan argued, before he bumped Phil’s side amicably.

They stopped as they came to the living room, where both Davion and Jason were already seated.

“I guess we don’t have to go get them, then,” Dan muttered, and Phil laughed nervously. His stomach felt tight with anticipation, and he almost wanted nothing more than to retreat back to his room and avoid this entire conversation. He couldn’t shake the thought that he was going to be called a liar. Or shoved into a mental institute. Or kicked out of the band.

“Hey guys,” Dan said, as they approached the back of the couch. Jason turned around to look at them, and he raised his eyebrows.

“Look at you too, arriving in the same room at the same time twice in one day without arguing.” Phil laughed uncomfortably in response.

“Yes…” he said awkwardly, before, “actually, Dan and I have something we need to talk to you about.”

“If this is any bad news about our tour, I don’t want to hear it unless there are cookies in my hand,” Davion warned.

“It’s not that,” Dan promised.

“Then what is it?” Jason asked. Dan and Phil shared a look, before continuing the rest of the way around the couch and standing in front of their friends, too nervous to sit.

“Well,” Phil began, not entirely sure where to start. Plus, it wasn’t helping that his headache was still throbbing insistently behind his eyes. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to make the ache go away, and looked up again.

“Well you see…”

“There’s something wrong with Lester,” Dan blurted.

Phil eyed him warily.

“And by wrong with Lester, I actually mean wrong with the universe. Right Phil?” Dan said.

“Er, right,” Phil replied.

“What’s going on with you two?” Jason asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Listen,” Phil said. “You’re going to think this is crazy, but you have to believe me. I just randomly woke up here one day. I’m not the Phil you know. This isn’t my life.”

A few torturously long seconds passed, Phil eyeing his bandmates desperately, before they bursted out laughing.

“Yeah, alright,” Jason laughed, rubbing his eyes merrily.

“We’re not joking!” Dan demanded. “Haven’t you noticed how friendly we are now? That’s because Phil told me everything last night!”

“Right. Okay well if you guys are done with your prank now, I’m gonna go make dinner,” Davion said, starting to stand.

“Davion,” Dan said, exasperated. He looked over at Phil in annoyance, but Phil could barely manage to dredge up any annoyance himself. He was just too nervous, his stomach tangled in knots by now. It seemed that everything was going the way he’d desperately wanted it not to go.

“I admit that it was a good prank, seeing as you two have never even _considered_  teaming up for one before, but you’re idiots if you actually expect me to believe you.”

Dan groaned, and Phil glanced over at him, seeing that Dan was already looking back.

“We can prove it to you,” Phil said quickly, looking back at Davion.

“Which part? The alternate universe? Or the you two getting along part?”

“Oh, we get along very well now,” Phil smirked, looking over at Dan, who glared immediately.

“No.”

“See, in my universe, I’m dating Dan. _My_  version of Dan. And I proved that to your Dan last night.”

Davion rolled his eyes, not even having the grace to pretend to look skeptical. “Oh yeah? And we’re just supposed to believe that you two had hot sex last night?”

Phil’s arm shot out towards Dan, who tried to dodge, but Phil yanked him closer. He then tugged down the collar of Dan’s shirt, showcasing the array of bruises that Phil had left the night before. It wasn’t his fault that Dan was so receptive to hickeys!

Dan blushed at being exposed and he swatted Phil’s arm away, but Jason and Davion had already seen.

“What the hell…” Jason muttered, looking from Dan’s neck to Phil’s mouth and back again.

Phil blinked, realizing that he was hearing Jason speak with a sort of echo. He reached his hand up to his head again, pressing against his temples gently. His head really did hurt, and he was starting to regret not getting pain medication the second it’d started.

Suddenly, a hand was being waved in front of his eyes, and Phil blinked in confusion. He followed the hand to the body it belonged to, spotting Dan.

“You okay?” Dan said. Or at least, that’s what it looked like he’d said. Phil couldn’t hear him, thanks to a thunderous roaring in his ears. He sank onto the couch, holding his head in his hands. He felt dizzy and sick, and Phil managed to drag his eyes up from Dan’s shoes to his face again, which looked worried.

Then, all three of Phil’s bandmates were gathering around him, looking concerned. Dan reached out and touched Phil’s hand, but it felt like ice on Phil’s. He drew away, shivering, and looked around in confusion at everyone around him. He still needed to convince them that he wasn’t their Phil, if only he could bother to open his mouth to speak. His lips felt like leaden weights, and he couldn’t imagine actually opening them.

Phil collapsed further into the couch, away from his companions, and tried to think. Except he couldn’t. His thoughts were moving like syrup, and all he could really concentrate on was the insistent throbbing at the forefront of his head. Phil shook his head lightly, trying to shake away the pain, though that was a terrible idea, as instantly his head throbbed even harder, and Phil swore he would’ve cried out if he could speak.

He looked at Dan, starting to feel worried himself, and tried to hold his gaze. His eyes felt heavy though, and he couldn’t keep them open much longer. Hoping that Dan would do something to fix all of this, Phil closed his eyes, praying that sleep would at least take away all the pain.

—

Phil opened his eyes, relieved when the light of the room he was in didn’t make his head hurt even worse. Then he realized that his head wasn’t even hurting anymore, which was a tremendous relief.

He glanced around, realizing that “room” was definitely not the right term he was looking at. He seemed to be trapped inside a large glass box, and outside the box images flitted around quickly. Voices echoed around the room, though there was no one he could see. Finally Phil squinted at one of the glass walls in front of him, curious and unsure as to what he was seeing.

As he concentrated, one of the images seemed to slow down in front of him, and Phil caught a glance of himself and Dan. Except it definitely wasn’t from his life. They were both wearing prestigious clothes, long, draping robes and crowns on their heads.

“I can’t believe my mom’s trying to marry me off to Isabelle, she’s a total trip,” Dan scoffed.

“I’m not marrying anyone. Everyone my parents pick out suck,” Phil saw a replica of himself respond.

“You know what would really piss them off?” Dan said with a wicked smirk, before he swung himself onto Phil’s lap, who’s eyes widened, a blush rising to his cheeks.

“W-what?”

“This,” Dan grinned, his hips moving subtly against Phil’s. Phil raised his hands and placed them on Dan’s hips, a look of awe on his face.

Phil, the real Phil, blinked, and the moment was gone. He rubbed his eyes, and when he opened them again, something new was in front of him.

“I hate you,” Dan was saying. He was holding onto the straps of his backpack, and he and Phil were walking together, away from a bus stop.

“Sure you do,” Phil laughed, before bumping into Dan amicably.

Phil couldn’t believe his eyes, couldn’t believe that he was seeing different versions of himself and Dan all around him. He continued to look, taking themselves in in different landscapes and ages and times.

“Don’t make a noise,” one Dan was whispering, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was curled up on the ground, and Phil was kneeling next to him. “Don’t even breathe.”

Distantly, there was shouting, and footsteps pounding up stairs, seemingly closer to where the two were hiding. Dan squeezed his eyes shut, and Phil reached out for his hand.

Phil turned away from that universe, unsettled, and looked at a different one.

Here, Phil was somehow levitating little rocks in his hand, and Dan looked on from a cage of earth, looking sullen and afraid and annoyed.

Phil turned, intent on looking at another universe, but froze. Instead of an image of him and Dan, there was just him. Standing closer to him than the other images seemed.

Suddenly, Phil realized that this Phil was actually in the glass box with him.

“Hello?” he said tentatively.

The other Phil jerked suddenly, having been looking intently at a scene in front of him, and turned to face Phil.

“What?” the other Phil whispered. They were both staring at each other in astonishment. Phil didn’t doubt that this other Phil was the one from the band universe.

Before he could say anything else, a pain so great it sent him to his knees shot through Phil’s body, most especially his head. Distantly, he was aware that the other Phil had collapsed as well, that they were both kneeling on the ground, gasping and panting, clutching their heads.

“Wait,” the other Phil called weakly. “Is Dan okay? My Dan?”

Phil opened his mouth to respond, to warn the other Phil that his Dan was suicidal and needed help, that he was the only one who knew because there hadn’t been time to tell Davion and Jason, but he couldn’t speak as the pain was so great. How could he have made this mistake though? Why hadn’t he just told someone? Now Dan could hide his secret all over again, even from his own Phil. He could end up doing something horrible, with no one else aware that they should be trying to keep him from doing it.

Regret pooled in Phil’s chest, and worry, worry for Dan and the short life he might live. He tried to speak again, tried to warn the other Phil despite the pain, but before he could do anything, the world went black.


	10. Chapter 10

For a second, Phil couldn't feel anything. He wasn't even sure if he existed anymore. It made sense, anyway. After being allowed to view so many universes at once, whether real or just some sort of vision, surely he wouldn't be allowed to exist anymore? Maybe he knew too much. Maybe the universe was actually broken, and in trying to put him back where he belonged, it had messed up and sent him into nonexistence. A place of nothing at all.

"Phil? Phil wake up, please Phil," he heard distantly. He was semi-aware that this person was in fact talking to him, but he couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. His limbs felt like metal weights, and even the thought of opening his eyes left him feeling exhausted. At least there was another person in this non-existence, anyway.

He could feel his head cushioned on something soft, and slowly came to realize that someone was gently threading their fingers through his hair. The rest of him was lying on a hard surface, however, and he wished that he was elsewhere.

The person he was laying on gently kissed his forehead, their fingers still carding through his hair. "Come on, Phil. Wake up."

Feeling that it was for some reason important to alert this person that he wasn't dead or something, Phil dredged it up in him to groan quietly. There, that should do it.

"Phil!" the person, a man, said jubilantly. Phil's forehead was suddenly peppered with kisses, and Phil felt his nose scrunch in response.

He managed to groan again, in acknowledgement as well as a bit of confusion. He had been sitting on the couch when the pain in his head had become too great, hadn’t he? Speaking of the pain, it was gone. What was even worse than the throbbing and pounding of his head had been the pain wracking his entire body as he’d been stuck in that glass box. He could remember looking at that other Phil, trying desperately to warn him about Dan…

Dan! Suddenly Phil registered just who exactly he was propped on, who was kissing him and caressing him and saying his name over and over. Phil fought to open his eyes, concentrating much harder than anyone should have to do to open their eyes, and looked at Dan. And behind him, his kitchen…

Excitement thundered in his chest, and Dan laughed in relief, tears in his eyes as he saw Phil open his. “Phil,” he breathed quietly, leaning down and pressing their foreheads together. “What happened? I just walked in here and you looked like you were in so much pain before you collapsed! Did something happen with— you know, my Phil?” Dan looked hopeful as he said it, and Phil opened his mouth to respond.

“You’re okay, aren’t you?” Dan said before Phil had the chance.

“Dan,” Phil croaked. Dan smiled. “It’s me.”

“What’s you?”

“No, Dan. It’s _me_.”

Understanding suddenly dawned on Dan’s face, and he let out a joyous sob, tears flooding to his eyes. “Phil!” he cried, before pulling Phil up gently so that he could hug him. “Oh god! I missed you so much,” he sobbed.

“Let go of me so I can hug you back,” Phil laughed, and then Dan was loosening his grip and Phil was spinning around in his grasp despite his protesting body, and he pulled Dan onto his lap as he leaned against a cabinet, Dan’s legs kneeling on the floor on either side of Phil’s.

"I was afraid you'd never come back," Dan whispered into Phil's hair, clinging to him even harder.

"Not possible," Phil murmured, stroking Dan's back. It felt so good to be back, to be back with _his_  Dan in _his_  home. It was almost surreal that going back had been as easy as that. Suffering an excruciating pain just to return home. He could think of worse fates.

He knew of one, in particular, that might be a lot worse... He didn't know what to do about the other Dan. If there even was anything he _could_  do. His own counterpart was returning home right now, waking up in his Dan's arms, not knowing what he was facing. Phil had planned on telling Davion and Jason about Dan, so that the whole band could help him, could get him a therapist and be there for his recovery. Now, Dan was the only one that knew he had something to recover _from_. What if he really wanted to die that badly? What if he didn't come clean on his own, which honestly, seemed more likely than not? What if the other Phil wasn't as nosey as he way, what if he didn't find Dan's journal and figure out what was wrong? What if Dan ripped out that page?

Phil was driving himself crazy with all these what ifs, almost overwhelming his relief at finally being back home, being back in Dan's arms. His only hope was that the other Phil would see the difference between the two Dans, more than just their appearance. Hopefully he'd realize that Dan needed help.

Phil squeezed Dan tightly against him. He could think about the other Dan and Phil later, besides, there was probably nothing he could do to help them anyway. At least not right now. Right now, he had Dan back, finally, and he needed to appreciate it.

"Dan," he said into Dan's ear, just for the sake of saying it. Dan laughed a watery laugh. He finally pulled away, placing his hands on Phil's cheeks and looking into Phil's eyes happily.

"God," he said, shaking his head slowly, a smile overwhelming his face. "I'm so glad you're back."

And then Dan was kissing him, and it felt so right and perfect and Phil had missed this so much. He pressed Dan even closer to himself as they kissed, rejoicing in the familiar feel of Dan, _his_  Dan, that he’d missed so much. It only lasted a moment though, and then Dan was pulling away and wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

“I think I need to cuddle and cry for a little while,” he laughed.

“Deal,” Phil said, shoving Dan off his lap lightly so they could both stand. “Tea first?”

“Yes,” Dan said heavily, already clinging to Phil again. He wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist as they made their way across the kitchen, turning the kettle on. “And then you can tell me all about everything.”

“And we can pray for this to never happen again.”

Dan laughed and pressed his face into Phil’s neck, his warm breaths panning out over Phil’s skin. Phil went back to simply hugging him as they waited on the kettle, and Dan pressed a light kiss to his neck.

“Fuck,” Dan said with a laugh. “I really, really missed you.”

Phil hugged Dan harder, and they both jumped when the kettle screamed, immediately leaning away from each other, making eye contact as they laughed.

“Why does that scare us every time?” Phil giggled, picking up the kettle.

“Cause we’re wimps,” Dan said easily, before placed a kiss on Phil’s cheek and crossing the kitchen to grab mugs.

—

“I honestly don’t think anyone noticed,” Dan said easily, walking besides Phil. Phil was itching to hold Dan’s hand, but he knew he couldn’t, not while they were in public. Still, he wanted to be touching Dan every chance he got. The past few days he’d hardly dared to believe it when he’d woken up and he’d still been in his own universe. “He was pretty good actor. Louise didn’t seem thrown by him, at least.”

“Really?” Phil said, surprised. “They were asking me if I was okay like, every two seconds,” Phil admitted.

“That’s because you’re a horrible actor,” Dan commented lightly, bumping into Phil’s side affectionately.

“ _You_  try waking up in a random universe. I didn’t even know what my role was supposed to be.”

“No thanks, I quite like it here actually.”

Phil laughed and rolled his eyes. It was barely a minute later when Dan linked their hands together, and Phil looked at Dan in surprise. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Holding your hand,” Dan said simply.

“But— subscribers…?” Phil ventured. Dan shrugged.

“Who cares?”

Phil gaped at Dan. “You’re not from a different universe, are you?” he said tentatively. Dan laughed, slapping his arm.

“Shut up! I’ve just, opened my eyes. You know?”

“You stay here, I’m gonna go look for my Dan,” Phil joked, turning on the spot and forcibly dragging Dan with him.

“Dick!” Dan giggled, pulling Phil back in the direction they were going. “We’re gonna be late! Our reservations are at six!”

“I’m not hungry,” Phil responded, still trying to drag Dan away.

“You are!” Dan protested, and he jabbed his fingers into Phil’s side, making him try to skirt away from Dan’s touch. He ended up turning back to Dan and crashing into his body, making Dan finally stop.

“Fine! Let’s go eat!” he said, now dragging Dan in the opposite direction.

“It was a mistake to ever let you hold my hand,” Dan lamented, a bit breathlessly as he was tugged along.

“We’re gonna be late!” Phil called, ignoring Dan.

Suddenly, Phil stopped walking, and Dan crashed into him. “Wha—?”

“Davion?” Phil said incredulously, looking at Davion. And it _was_  Davion. Except, not exactly. He wasn’t wearing his signature glasses, and instead of wearing the expensive clothes Phil was so used to seeing him in, he was just wearing a simple hoodie with jeans.

Davion’s brow wrinkled as he looked at Phil. “Do I know you?” he asked, confusion tinging his voice.

“I—” Phil suddenly remembered that no, of course Davion didn’t know him. Why would he? They had no connection in this universe. Phil wasn’t in a band with him, they couldn’t know each other otherwise.

“You do look kind of familiar…” Davion ventured, tilting his head slightly.

Phil felt Dan try to tug his hand out of his grasp, a left over reaction from them hiding their relationship all the time, but Phil only tightened his grip in response. Dan stopped trying to pull his away.

“Where do you work?” Phil asked, generally curious at to what Davion was up to in this universe. Of course, to Davion it probably just looked like Phil was trying to figure out how they knew each other.

“I’m a chef, I own my own little restaurant around the corner,” Davion said proudly, hooking his thumb over his shoulder. Phil was hit with a tidal wave of happiness for Davion, knowing what he had succeeded in doing in this universe.

“Davion!” a whiny but familiar voice called. Jason appeared, having crossed the road, and slung his arm over Davion’s shoulders happily.

“Who’s this?” he questioned, looking from Phil to Dan and back again. “I kind of feel like—”

“You’ve seen them before?” Davion cut in, looking at Jason, who nodded.

“Weird. What’re your names?” Jason asked.

“I’m Phil,” Phil said. “This is Dan,” he nodded in Dan’s direction.

Davion nodded slowly. “This is the weirdest deja vu I’ve ever had,” he said with a laugh. “Well, if you guys ever wanna come down to my restaurant, we can talk about how you know my name,” Davion said, gesturing towards Phil.

“Sounds great!” Phil said genuinely. “We’ll see you around!”

And with that, Phil was dragging Dan away again, his head spinning.

“What was that?” Dan questioned, as they continued to make their way towards the restaurant they had reservations at.

“Davion and Jason,” Phil explained. “The guys in our band.”

“That’s so weird,” Dan breathed, squeezing Phil’s hand. This reminded him that they were holding hands— in _public_ — all over again, and he smiled over at Dan.

“Love you,” he said easily.

“Sap,” Dan responded, before, “Love you too.”


	11. Chapter 11

“What the fuck?” someone said, sounding more scared than angry. There was a murmur of voices all around Phil, all of which he found hard to concentrate on. The voices were too much, saying too much too fast all at once, and it made Phil’s head hurt. And he’d had enough of his head hurting lately, thank you very much.

“Seriously stop, this prank has gone on long enough,” another person said, sounding both annoyed and worried at the same time.

“THIS ISN’T A PRANK!” a very familiar voice shouted, and Phil was jostled slightly as the voice screamed. Was he… on top of the person yelling?

“Nng,” Phil managed to say, which wasn’t very much, but was definitely a feat when his mouth felt like it was full of sand.

“Phil?” the same person who’d screamed said, whispering now. Phil concentrated on that voice, knowing that he knew it. He thought of the room he’d been locked in, the universes he’d seen. The universes of him and Dan.

“Phil,” the person, Dan, repeated, this time tugging on Phil’s ear impatiently. Unbidden, a giggle escaped from Phil’s lips. How often do passed out people get woken with someone tugging on their ear anyway?

“How—ul,” Phil said, before forcing himself to swallow and try again. “Howell,” he muttered.

The fingers that were still on Phil’s ear, which Phil had almost forgotten about, immediately retreated.

“Lester,” Dan said again, sounding almost uncomfortable. Phil became aware of the fact that his head was resting on Dan’s thighs only when they tensed.

“Do you think they know any words other than each other’s name’s?” Jason stage whispered. Phil snorted, but Dan remained silent.

Phil finally opened his eyes, blinking at the sudden influx of light. Dan was leaning over him, and Phil became increasingly aware of the fact that he was lying on his legs. He felt his face heat up in embarrassment, and the old, immediate reaction rose up in him, to taunt Dan or insult him. _Worried about me, are you?_  some part of Phil wanted to say snidely, but he resisted. After all, if Dan, _this_  Dan, turned out to be anything like that other Dan he'd met, then it was worth it to stop being mean to him.

Still, it felt weird to be back with his Dan in his universe. He didn't know how to act, didn't know what had even transpired in his absence. Had the other Phil managed to convince him of their little problem? Or had he hidden it the whole time? Had he attempted to befriend Dan or simply keep up the animosity that they'd always had between them?

Phil could feel himself reverting right back to his old state, wanting to pick up his old interactions with Dan, like he was slipping into a well worn coat. This was Dan, who he teased and picked on and sometimes seriously hated. Dan, who astonished Phil with his wit and worried him with his eating habits. Dan, who Phil was finally starting to realize he'd been in love with the whole time.

But was he "Phil" to Dan? Or was he still just Lester, a person that Dan hated and argued with on a daily basis?

"Howell," Phil said tentatively. Dan grimaced slightly, but he nodded.

"Lester. You alright?"

"Can we please talk about what the fuck just happened?" Davion interrupted loudly, and Phil flinched, his ears still feeling sensitive. "Is this the real Phil?"

"They're both real," Dan protested. "They're just... from different... places," he finished lamely.

"If by places you mean universes, then yes," Phil croaked, before clearing his throat. "The other one wasn't in a band, he was a YouTuber."

Jason sighed heavily before falling on the arm of the couch. "But you're _our_  Phil, right?" he asked, placing his hand on Phil's shoulder, who was struggling to sit up, and looking at him warily.

"Yes," Phil answered, Dan strangely silent beside him.

"Well _if_  there really are two Phils from two different universes, and _if_  they were switched, how do we know that this Phil isn't the other one? And just lying about being back?" Davion questioned harshly, leaning in to look at Phil and glaring inquisitively.

"Fuck off," Phil said, rolling his (still slightly aching) eyes. "I spend a week trapped in an alternate universe and no one even believes me when I'm back?"

"Seems like our Phil to me," Dan muttered.

"So is it really true that you and Dan were in love in the other universe?" Jason inquired, seeming to be taking everything into stride. Phil felt himself blush, and saw Dan doing the same out of the corner of his eye.

"Um, yes," he answered, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"Your Phil proved that to Dan last night," Jason informed with a smirk. Dan glared at him, blushing even brighter. “Those were his words, at least,” he added, before reaching over Phil and yanking Dan’s collar down, revealing dark purple hickeys on his neck. Dan smacked Jason’s hand away, glaring at him, and coughed uncomfortable.

“Fuck you,” he snapped, crossing his arms sullenly. Phil couldn’t believe that his counterpart had even managed to do that to Dan, that he got Dan to agree to it. Furthermore, he couldn’t believe that Dan was _actually_  gay. Sure, the Dan from the other universe had assured him that he would be, but Phil couldn’t help feeling like his luck would be out and that the Dan he knew would turn out to be straight.

“So something actually happened with… the universe? It wasn’t just a prank?” Davion asked tentatively.

“Yes,” Dan said forcefully, then he sighed. “I’m tired. I’m gonna go to my room.” And with that he stood up and retreated from the living room, disappearing up the stairs. Only then did Phil realize that he’d been pressed against Dan’s side, for his arm suddenly felt cold.

He couldn’t help remembering the other Phil, then. How they’d been stuck in that weird place, as if they were between universes, between realities. He could remember asking if his Dan was okay, and not completely understanding why. It just felt right at the time, after all the time he’d spent with the other Dan, time he’d enjoyed and appreciated, he’d wanted to make sure that his Dan was okay too. Except for some reason, he got the odd feeling that he wasn’t. After he’d asked, the other Phil had looked up at him, looking struck. He’d opened his mouth to respond, face etched with worry, but just then an overwhelming pain had overtaken Phil, and judging by the look on the other Phil’s face, it was easy enough to assume that he wasn’t the only one feeling it.

Why had the other Phil looked so worried? What could possibly have been going on with Dan to worry him so much? He already knew that Dan was anorexic, the whole band knew, but they’d been helping him to get better for a while now; monitoring his food and making sure he didn’t exercise himself to exhaustion through the night. Maybe the other Phil had been worried about that, seeing as his Dan seemed perfectly healthy. But then again, what if it was something else? What if there was something else wrong with Dan, something that nobody knew about? Phil sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He was probably just being paranoid.

“Hungry?” Davion offered tentatively.

Phil groaned appreciatively. “I’ve missed you almost as much as I’ve missed your cooking,” he said, dodging Davion’s hand, which was reaching out to smack him, and darting into the kitchen. Jason and Davion followed, both chattering excitedly. Phil sat atop the counter, answering their numerous questions about his time in the alternate universe, all the while thinking about Dan in the back of his mind.

And when Davion placed a steaming sandwich in front of him, Phil set half of it aside, hardly thinking about it as he did so, to bring up to Dan.

—

Life in the house of Rising Moon relatively returned to normal after Phil’s return. Except for the fact that Dan and Phil didn’t bicker and fight anymore. No, they tended to avoid each other. Dan was often leaving rooms when Phil was entering them, and he couldn’t seem to make eye contact without shrinking into himself. Plus, his demeanor seemed sad, and despite the fact that he was eating at every meal (Phil, Davion, and Jason made sure of it) he still seemed to be looking thinner for some reason.

Phil was worried. After living with the other Dan, after knowing what life could be like, what their relationship together could be like, Phil had a hard time adjusting back. He had an even harder time looking at Dan and not feeling worried. The other Dan had seemed perfectly fine with his body, which had been warm and soft to the touch. Phil was scared of touching Dan now, although it wasn’t like he ever had the chance anyway. Still, he was afraid that Dan would feel sharp and cold, that he would feel Dan’s bones shivering underneath his skin.

It didn’t seem like there was anything Phil could do though. He couldn’t just outright say to Dan that he was worried about him, not when the only times they’d ever gotten along had been with each other’s counterparts. And he couldn’t just ask Dan what was wrong either, couldn’t ask to help him. Dan wouldn’t believe his reasoning for wanting to help anyway. Whether he believed it or not, though, it was true. Phil cared for Dan. Loved him, even. So much so that he wanted to hold Dan in his arms, wanted to protect him and whisper nice things into his ear. But he couldn’t do that. Phil was sure that Dan would think he was crazy if he did.

And so, with all of this considered, it was a surprise when Dan came to him. Phil had just gotten out of the shower, and he was clad in nothing other than his pajama pants. He dried his hair roughly with a towel, startling when he heard a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” he called, before tossing his towel in the direction of the hamper and making his way towards the door regardless. Before Dan had a chance to answer Phil was yanking the door open, staring at Dan in surprise.

“Howell,” Phil said, blinking at the figure in front of him. He hated saying Howell. Hated it with a passion, really. But it felt weird to not say it, seeing as he’d never really called this Dan _Dan_  before. To him he’d always been Howell, even if it didn’t feel like it anymore.

“Phil,” Dan said quietly, making Phil’s eyes widen slightly at the use of his first name, as well as Dan’s soft, tentative tone. He was wearing his pajamas, and his face was void of any of the makeup Phil was so used to seeing him in. He looked vulnerable like this, and Phil opened his door wider in invitation.

Dan nodded as he stepped past Phil and into the room. He stood in the middle of the room awkwardly for a second, before finally making his way to the bed and perching on the edge of it, looking uncomfortable and ready to run.

“What’s up?” Phil questioned, sitting down next to Dan, perhaps a little closer than he normally would have. He couldn’t help it though, he’d been craving Dan’s touch, even his nearness, ever since he’d come back.

“I just wanted… to give you this,” Dan said softly, before holding out his hand, revealing a crumpled up piece of paper in his fist. It was seriously creased thanks to Dan holding it so tightly, and Phil reached out to take it from him. Dan immediately stood up, and he gestured towards the door.

“I’ll just be— yeah,” he said, before practically scurrying from the room.

Feeling apprehensive, Phil unfolded the note.

_Phil,_

_You don’t know this, or at least,_ you _you don’t. The other you found out about it. I think it’s thanks to him that I’m even telling you this. I’m not entirely sure that I’m not going to regret telling you, anyway._

_I’m suicidal. I have been for a while now, and it’s not something that’s just going to go away. I think about it all the time, especially now that I can’t even control what I eat. It didn’t used to be this bad, when I had some control, and I know that you and Davion and Jason all think that I’m getting better, now that I’m gaining weight, but I’m really only getting worse. Everything’s getting worse. It got so bad, in fact, that I’d even picked a date. To end it._

_Except that the other you found out, and he convinced me that he cared, that Davion and Jason cared. That you cared. And it was sad, because even though he was saying all these nice things, saying that all of you guys cared,_ I _still couldn’t care. I can barely care about anything these days._

_I guess what I’m trying to say is, I need help. I don’t necessarily want it, even, but I know that you care, and that you would care if I was gone. And lately it seems like the only thing I can even manage to care about is you, and I know I would feel guilty if I ended up making you sad. So what I’m asking is, help me get help. If you care, that is._

_Dan_

Phil was shaking, Dan’s note shaking in his hands, and finally he managed to move. He was standing and out of his room in record time, and he couldn’t even remember getting from his room to Dan’s, all he knew was that he was barging inside and wrapping Dan in a hug.

Dan squeaked, seeing as Phil had caught him by surprise and ended up hugging him from behind, but he couldn’t help it.

“I care, Dan. Of course I care. I more than care,” he whispered into Dan’s ear, who struggled meekly in his grasp until he was facing Phil. He carefully placed his arms around Phil’s waist, which was the total opposite of what Phil was doing, which was crushing the life out of the person he loved.

Dan buried his head in Phil’s shoulder, and Phil could feel him shaking slightly. “We’ll get you help. And Davion and Jason too, they love you too. We’ll all help you, and we’ll get you a therapist, and everything will be okay I promise,” he babbled.

And then he was pressing kisses to Dan’s temples, and rubbing his hand over his back, the other one buried in his hair. “I promise Dan. I love you. I promise it’ll be okay.” And maybe, just maybe, it would be.


	12. Chapter 12

Phil rolled over slowly, still half asleep, and slung his arm around Dan’s warm waist. Dan was facing him, and as Phil rolled closer to him he tucked his head into Phil’s chest.

Blinking sleepily, Phil looked down at Dan, who looked soft and warm and familiar. Phil stroked his hand through Dan’s hair slowly, having missed the easy start to every morning, him and Dan simply lying together and enjoying each other’s company. Some mornings they’d wake each other up in more adventurous ways, but mostly it was just cuddling and kissing each other awake.

Phil was excited for later today, though. He and Dan were going to go and meet up with Davion and Jason at their restaurant again, seeing as the past few times they’d met they’d made fast friends. Almost every time they saw each other Davion rubbed his chin and swore up and down that he felt like he’d seen the two of them before, which both Dan and Phil would then contribute to the internet.

“No, that’s not it,” Davion would mutter, shaking his head slowly and squinting at Phil.

And then Jason would usually end up ruining the moment, barging forth into the conversation and demanding something outrageous, like, “We need seven vats of mac and cheese!” and Davion’s eyes would widen and he would splutter, and Jason would look confused, before saying, “Oh, I meant one. But we’re serving seven people.” At this Davion would look marginally calmer, and he’d retreat into the kitchen to give orders or to make the food himself. But still, the next time Dan and Phil saw Davion, he would almost immediately squint at them, shaking his head slowly.

“It’s at the tip of my tongue,” he would say, before eventually giving up. Phil didn’t know if it was better this way or not, but he was seriously debating telling Davion and Jason about his experience in the alternate universe. Of course, that should probably wait until they were better friends so that Phil wouldn’t be chucked into a mental hospital.

Phil was still absently stroking Dan’s hair, who stirred, making a confused kind of grumble sound. He opened his eyes, blinking blearily at Phil, a small frown etched into his face.

“Morning babe,” Phil whispered, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the corner of Dan’s lips. When he pulled away, however, Dan’s eyes were as wide as saucers, and he looked confused beyond belief.

“I— Phil?” he said incredulously.

“Dan what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Phil asked, something uncomfortable building in the pit of his stomach.

“Why’d you kiss me? And— and why am I in your bed? Won’t your girlfriend be mad?” Dan questioned, looking innocent and confused and _not like his Dan._

“Jesus christ,” Phil muttered, rubbing his eyes roughly with his hand. “Not again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!!! i hope you enjoyed the fic and aren't too traumatized by the ending ahaha! i really appreciate everyone who left kudos and commented, you're all so sweet and i can't thank you enough!! <3
> 
> next week i'll be posting the first chapter to my next chaptered fic! it's an Avatar The Last Airbender AU so get pumped for that!!! i hope you'll stick around :D

**Author's Note:**

> ALSO: my tumblr is jilliancares.tumblr.com and i post TONS of oneshots there, so if you've only ever read my chaptered fics here you should go check out my oneshots there! :D


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